Boyfriend cheated on me and I am no longer happy
- Tuesday, February 15th, 2011 at 12:32 PM
I am a 27 years old lady. My boyfriend is a year younger than me.
We have been together for 4 years..we did everything together..we were very happy together until he cheated.
I have done alot for him, hurt myself for him, but when he cheated I realized my efforts had gone in vain.
After thinking about our situation I figured it was best we spoke about it and get over it..but it wasn’t so simple as I thought.
He rejected me, real rejection, turned his back on me when I was in tears on bended knees, begging to work things out. He told me to forget about him because he loved the girl and won’t lose her because of me. I cried my heart out. There was nothing else that i could do. We broke up, and 2 weeks later he accepted me back.
I thought he had realised his mistake and decided to change but that wasn’t so. Days later he was found with her again and when i confronted him he asked me if I am not happy he took me back. So I decided that I should just walk away.
So we broke up again. Weeks later he came back to me in tears, begging that i give him another chance. He made me promises, everyone told me to give him another chance. I did. I hoped that I would forgive and forget, and love him again but even if we were together I feel myself moving away from him.
I enjoyed sex with him alot and its interesting that now I sometimes find myself crying during sex, or even when he kisses me. Sometimes I go crazy to see him but then the sight of him gets me depressed. I don’t like going out with him because I am fearful some other woman embarrass me because of him. I used to talk about him so much but now i am no longer proud of him.I have tried asking him to separate, but he just won’t go away. I don’t want to hurt him but I want to find joy again. I am not happy with him.
Confused
Dear Confused,
There is an old saying that goes “once bitten, twice shy.” And that is exactly what you are going through in this relationship. Your boyfriend cheated on you, rejected you when you needed him the most despite the fact you had done so much for him. Furthermore he told you that he loved the girl he cheated with and don’t want to lose her. This alone show you the way he is thinking.
Since you have been so badly hurt, I think it is time to move on. The relationship is not working. You cry when you have sex with him or even when he kisses you. The sight of him depressed you and you are not happy. Somewhere in the back of your mind you think he will cheat again in the future and your could be right.
If you are not happy, it doesn’t make sense staying in the relationship. Be honest with yourself and tell him that it is just not working and it is time for both of you to move on.
Bella
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13 Comments
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Why is it you women treat men like they are the air that you breathe, and you can’t survive without them? Some men on the other hand will abuse you and you still think that they are god’s gift to you.
A man will only go as far as you allow him to. I am tired of listening to women whine and complain about their treatment. Be a strong, independent, self sufficient woman. Stop depending on a man to make you happy. You are the only one who can create your own happiness. Live your life as though God is the only man you’ll ever need, and he will never disappoint you. Grow the hell up!
Amen to that sister
@Gwen, totally agree
Why is it you women treat men like they are the air that you breathe, and you can’t survive without them? Some men on the other hand will abuse you and you still think that they are god’s gift to you.
A man will only go as far as you allow him to. I am tired of listening to women whine and complain about their treatment. Be a strong, independent, self sufficient woman. Stop depending on a man to make you happy. You are the only one who can create your own happiness. Live your life as though God is the only man you’ll ever need, and he will never disappoint you. Grow the hell up!
Young lady, never put yourself in a position when you have to persue a man. The guy you dated is unstable.
You need to be confident in yourself. Think and find out what you want. Becarefull when roles are change, when the relationship is one sided. “It takes two to tango.” Men do know most of the time who to prey on.
Especilally when you’re vunerable.Please take care of yourelf. Never, ever think that you are not worthwhile being with. When some women are at a young age, like when we have a child or children with a man. We feel, when the man rejects us. We ae not good enough for him. It is actually th other way around. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are sepecial, genius and a confident woman.And believe in it. Otherwise you will be he one making the mistake with that man over and over again. You will have heart brakes, which is part of life. Don’t dwell on it. Move on.
good advice but lol this person can’t spell at all….i.e- heart brakes! lol the word is heart “break”
Don’t want to just say give up, cause as the saying goes “anything worth having is worth fighthing for”. If your relationship was as perfect as you thought it was it would not have been that easy for him to fall in love with someone else unless he was seduced. At times when our partner’s cheat we are quick to blame everything on them but don’t ever try to put ourselves in their shoes to see what we may have done to contribute to their desire to go outside of the relationship. Sometimes the best of us fall prey to a bad situation that we fail to acknowledge or fail to leave on our own. This may or may not be the case with your relationship, but if it is, nothing is wrong with you working on you while he works on rebuilding your trust in him.
I have to admit as a female once trust is truly given and it is broken it is not only difficult to trust that person again, but to trust in relationships and yourself. But sometimes we have to look past the now and focus on the future. You said you still love your boyfriend, is he the one you saw yourself with for the rest of your life, before his betrayal and now that he has returned requesting your forgiveness, does he provide the emotional and all other support you desire, it is important that you do not let him ignore what he did and realize the significance of his actions and how it affected and still affects you. The only thing that comes to mind as a piece of good advise is to make a list of all his good and bad qualities to see which outweigh the other and then go from there. If there is more good you just need to talk and ensure that both of you know and truly understand the others feelings, while you try to work on the bad qualities identified that maybe causing problems in your relationship, which may have let to your issue. However, if there is more bad then its time to cut your loses and start fresh. Wish you all the best girl, I had a situation like this in the past, me and the dude broke up but surprisingly we are really good friends now, however, I have not being able to see him as more than that for now. Although, he learned from his mistake with me and does not appear to have repeated his mistake with any of his new relationships. I don’t think it was the fact that he cheated but more that he seemed to care more about the person he cheated with that he barely knew than he did me who he was with for some time. So don’t feel like something is wrong when it takes you some time to get over your hurt and regain trust.
Sometimes we are scared of change, scared to let go, scared to be single. The thing you should be most scared of is lowering your standards and being unhappy with a man who really doesn’t care. Girlfriend, change is always good and being single and loving yourself is highly rewarding. Think of all the things you can do when you’re single. You can move at your own pace, when and where you want, have to answer to no one but yourself and can fill your days with rewarding things. You can take a college course, an interest course, you can go for manicures or even an entire day at the spa! You can cook what you like, when you like. You can go out with your girlfriends and laugh and have fun wihout anyone judging you or being jealous of you or calling you home. The single life is the BEST. People in couples have to conform and change for the other and pass on things they enjoy in life. You have the opportunity to enjoy life to it’s fullest. Start living your bucket list!
As for the man, I know it hurts, we all do. It’s simple for us to say “chin up, he’s not good enough, move on”. However, when you truly loved another and they betray you and worsen the wound by belittling through rejection of love, well, that’s where the saying of a broken heart comes from….it feels as though he reached in and ripped your heart out. Our bodies physically feel heartache. The only remedy I have for you is to find the strength to find joy in your daily life. Get out and have fun with your friends. Occupy your time (and your head) with things that keep him furthest from your thoughts. You will heal over time but you will ease the pain and quicken the heal by coming to love yourself. Once you recognize that you deserve a man that loves you and only you, you will be on your way. What he did was selfish and cruel and any man that loves you would not cheat and then throw it in your face and tell you he loves the other woman leaving you there to cry! All women feel your pain in knowing what love turned evil on you feels like.
Sweetheart, one last comment. He is the cheater! He’s the one who did wrong! It should’ve been him bending on knees sobbing for you to forgive him and accept him back. Try your best to never show that reaction to a man. You be the Queen and walk away and never look back. He is the trash not you. He’s the dog that ate out of the garbage can so why are you crying and begging for him? When you give in and allow the dog back inside he knows he can always get away with it again because soon you will open the door and welcome him back.
girl move on with ur life he don’t deserve u. u will find a gud man that will make u happy an treat u the way u r suppose to be treated!!!
He doesnt deserves you…
and you dont get into a relation wid him again as surely he will again cheat on u.
Find a good guy and live life happily.
In short –”MEN r DOGS”
That’s what Usher said…and it is true…don’t fight the burn, it wouldn’t last forever…loose that man!
Sweetheart you are to young to be crying over a boy, boys will be boys. They allow the little head between their legs to run their lives for them and you who saves yourself for them are the ones they hurt and come and come back time and time again telling you I Love you as soon as you open up that is all they want, I have been there so I feel your pain. But you see I was at the woman’s house when he came. Oh yes I was sitting in her living room waiting for him, to this date he is stilltrying to find out how we could set him up like that. Move on because he is not going to change and there is too much diseases out there. God has a husband out there for so get on with your life give yourself a broke all is not lost. May God bless you.
u are too good for him..he dont deserve somebody like u. n u say u dont wanna hurt him..u think he cared when he hurt u? girl move on, there are so many good men out there that would treat u the way u deserved to me treated…Seek God first and everything would be added unto u!!!
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