Boyfriend number one or number two?
- Wednesday, July 7th, 2010 at 9:24 AM
Dear Bella: I love reading your column and your advice always seem helpful, so I’m hoping you will be able to help me out. I’m a young lady in her 20′s and I have two boyfriends. I love them both but for different reasons.
I have been with my first boyfriend for about three years now and upon until recently we were engaged but I called it off because I felt that neither of us was ready for such a huge step in life. I still love this man very much but there are times when I feel like we should go our separate ways because I feel like I’m in a relationship by myself.
We’ve had many communication issues before. However, we managed to stay together this long. But here’s the thing: Recently there’s this young man whom I’ve grown really close to. He seems to be everything that I ever wanted in a man, not that my first boyfriend wasn’t, but he’s just so incredibly wonderful. I really like this guy and want to be with him but don’t want to just throw away my previous relationship.
Boyfriend number two, knows about number one, but number one does not know about number two. It’s driving me crazy because I wish I could just combine the two together but I know that I can’t have my cake and eat it too. What do you think I should do?
Sincerely,
Torn between two lovers.
Dear Torn between two lovers,
You sound very confused. As a matter of fact, you’re the one driving yourself crazy. Indeed you cannot have your cake and eat it too. You need to know what works for you. Who makes your heart beat every time you see him? Who makes you blush so evidently that you can’t stop smiling? Who makes time stop when you’re with him? Most importantly, who considers your emotions and opinions and sacrifices for you?
While you should not rush into things with Boyfriend 2, you should also take into consideration that if Boyfriend 1 is jealous, selfish and always wants you to please him then there is a great possibility he is leaning too much on the possessive, controlling side and once in a while every woman wants her independence to make her own decisions. Plus I’m sure you don’t want to be living a life looking over your shoulders because you’re torn between two lovers.
Bella.
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Take a break from the dating scene.There are no two men who are alike. It might surprise you one day when you are not looking that Mr. Right will walk up to you, and you will know him when you meet him. Life presents us with beautiful gifts, the wrapping might not be beautiful on the outside, but the gift itself might be just what you need.
hmm I guess girls do these crap also as much as guys.
i bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush
BF #1 been there how long ? and u ready to dump him for #2 because he more exciting?… REALITY CHECK…what happen when all the newness wear off with #2?
i think #1 better off without u
Look, one thing I know and believe is the HEART only has room for one person to be in TRUE love with. If you are “torn”, then you’re struggling with a part of yourself that is deceiving you. Try to see through your haze of self-deception and act with clarity. Remember to always put God first and he will make the way right.
girl you might be side ting #3…so dont even worry about how nice bf #2 is,and bf#1 just might be the right one…look before you leap…lol
out with da old and in da new dont always work. # 2 may seems nice now but wait till u get over # 1 and u will c da side of him if so, we dont miss da well tillit run dry, so make da good step think before u do da worng thing.
Torn, without lecturing you for entering into a second relationship, which sounds like blatant cheating on boyfriend number one, I offer you the following advise. As someone already mentioned you sound scared to be alone and are backing up boyfriend number 2 as a security blanket. If you have felt, with No.1, that you are alone in the relationship, have communication problems and already recognized marriage was not a smart option then you have already answered your dilemma. Break things off with this young man. Let him go, so he can live and enjoy life and find a woman that he can have that type of a relationship with. Just because it didn’t work out with the two of you does not make you any less a person. We all cannot be compatible with each and every person we date. That final attraction, true deep love, and lasting love, depends on a perfect mixture of so many things. That’s why they call it chemistry. It actually sounds like you have more of a “chemistry” going with boyfriend No.2. I think that you need to be straight up, woman up, and break things off with No.1 immediately.
I think Torn should follow her heart, and it sounds like #1 is not the right one for her. Who knows maybe #2 is the man of your dreams that one that you’ve been wishing for to come along and sweep you off your feet. I am sure that #2 is doing something that #1 is not doing. out with the old and in with the new!
Actually so many persons are in the same situation. Sounds like no. 1 is over and u just dont know how to let go and im saying this regardless to no. 2 was there or not. I think your scared to be alone, so u have to have someone lined up. You may find no.2 may not work out also too early to tell but do yourself a favour and deal with your issues with no. 1 first which is to say Bye Bye.
Actually so many persons are in the same situation. Sounds like no. 1 is over and u just dont know how to let go and im saying this regardless is no. 2 was there or not. I think your scared to be alone, so u have to have someone lined up. You may find no.2 may not work out also too early to tell but do yourself a favour and deal with your issues with no. 1 first which is to say Bye Bye.
hmmmm.food for thought
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