CONFUSED: Sugar daddy’s money is sweet but Mr. Real is the deal
Dear Dr. Cindy - Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012 at 7:54 AM
Dear Dr. Cindy: I write this hesitantly, nonetheless I write. I know a lot of bloggers will judge but I know a lot of them doing what I have been doing. I know they may have done what I am doing.
Times are hard Dr. Cindy, no lie. We all know that.
Once I was at a supermarket in town when a wealthy businessman approached me. He is way older than me. He was very nice and pleasant. While shopping we talked and exchanged contacts.
He told me he is married but going through a divorce. Dr. Cindy I do not do married men. I let that be known from early. Straight off the bat he wanted to have a sexual relationship but I would have none of that.
One day while at work he text me a “proposal”. He said he could take care of me if I take care of him. It’s embarrassing. He proposed paying my rent, bills and groceries, and in exchange, we would have a secret relationship.
I was shocked and angry and told him to &^%@% off. I did not answer his calls for like a week. He kept apologising and asking for me to forgive him.
I was speaking to a female friend about it and to my amazement she asked why don’t I try it. I thought she was joking but she was dead serious. She explained that a lot of girls are doing this “sugar daddy” thing to get by. She says a 2,000 salary cannot make her live a comfortable life and she is also hooked on a similar arrangement with two men!!!!!
I was not interested and told her that’s nasty.
A few weeks later I lost my job and my life took a turn for the worst. No money, no job, nothing to eat. All my friends broke. I was too ashamed to ask my friend who told me to consider the sugar daddy thing. We were not really talking.
I then text my old business friend. I shamefully accepted his proposal. It’s been months now into this arrangement and its going well. I have since gotten a part-time job. I am doing this for survival and it’s going well Dr. Cindy.
My problem is this. I have been dating this guy and I really like him but he does not have money like that. He has an ordinary job and he can hardly take care of himself. But he is so sweet and affectionate.
I am worried if I cut the sugar daddy arrangement I will suffer. At the same time I do not feel right being in a relationship and still doing this arrangement. But I do not want to lose this guy. He is really trying and he is so sweet.
He tries his best to impress me with the little he has. I am really confused Dr. Cindy.
A lot may judge me but they don’t know what I am going through. It’s not easy spreading your legs for money but when hard times hit you gotta do what you gotta do. But when Mr. Real comes along what should I do?
Confused
Dear Confused:
It sounds as if you are in quite the pickle — money or Mr. Real. You stated that you do not do married men and am only in this arrangement because you lost your job and need the money.
You have, however, reported that you have since gotten a part-time job. Would this part-time job be sufficient to help you through? Also, you pointed out twice that the arrangement is “going well”. What does this mean? The problem as you presented is that the new guy that you are dating does not have money, he is sweet, but no money, and you are worried that you may suffer if you cut off “the sugar daddy.”
You seem to have two choices, keep the part-time job and try to manage financially and try at the relationship with the new guy, or continue with “the sugar daddy” and be financially okay. It appears as if you are concerned about being judged for your behaviors and may on some level be looking for someone to agree that your actions are justified, that is, you need the money.
Should someone agree, would that ease your confusion? To reduce or eliminate your confusion, I suggest you go back to your convictions; what would you do and what would you not do? Who are you as a person? Are you able to reconcile your behaviors and your thoughts?
Until then, you will always feel this dissonance or confusion because your beliefs are not matching your behaviors. I am not saying you should change your beliefs or change your behaviors. What I am saying is to be true to who you are, and who/what you want to be. Once we choose a behavior there are always consequences — good or bad. Which is more important, money or Mr. Real?
Accepting who you are, either way will allow for you to move forward with your decision without feelings of confusion or self-judgment.
Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy
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34 Comments
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lol thinks sounds too famliar… Might be my girlfriend
…. sigh
Its women like you that gives us all good women a bad name. Do you really think he will divorce his wife for you?. You are too easy! You are just another —-being paid for sex. He must have paid for a dozen like you and got tired of them. Why do you women always feel like you have to settle for the left overs? Have you ever felt like you deserved better than the scraps from the table? When you look in the mirror what do you see? Money does not solve problems, it just creates heart aches.
I don’t know what everything is, but what ever everything is; Money is five paceses out in front.
The problem isn’t the young lady being too easy; It is what it is! Most women don’t use common-sense; They will give away million of dollars worth of the sweetness, before they realize that they could some.
The Mighty Sparow sing about this in one of his songs from the time that I was a little boy and got hit a couple of time with a tamrind whip for singing this same song on Sundays, because my mom was a devoted christian. (The song? Sell the pusy) by The Mighty Sparow.
To the young lady on a more serious note! Hold your head high, walk tall, and feel no shame; Things will get better, because God is not going to give you more than you can bear. Much love.
Some of us women tents to worry about wa our friends will say to much.at last you got a part time job.that was work of devil and you make him won, woman take back you pride self esteem respect and more and ask god for giveness and strenght. i’ve being in close situration like dis almost give it up to a sugar dady already and just hold my head high and walk away .all he did is curse me out i didn’t care. he had noting on me to. to hell with these old ass men .
Old Ass Men. With brand new money, and broke ass young men with nothing. Keep on getting-up in the morning and saying (Good Morning) then in the next ten years look into the mirror and deal with reality. I bet you might see an Old Ass Woman.
PLEASE GIVE THIS YOUNG LADY SOME POSITIVE ADVICE. CAN ANYONE OF YOU OFFER HER A JOB THAT CAN HELP HER WITH HER FINANCIAL SITUATION?
THIS SHOULD BE A WAKE UP CALL IN THE BVI. THINGS ARE SO UNAFORDABLE THAT YOU ARE EITHER GETTING LAID OFF OR YOUR SALARY CANNOT SUPPORT EVEN A SIMPLE WAY OF LIVING.
PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE THIS YOUNG LADY. SHE IS ASKING FOR HELP….!!!!!!!!
keep the love flowing
Well! It is written in the Bible. Read in the book of Matthew Chapter 6. and Chapter 7, and that should give her a little understanding about life in itself.
Now! I don’t think that she needs to be worring about anything; Just take good care of Sugar Daddy. The Jamacian have a new name for men and women like that; They call them (Charge-E)
I am not condoning what this woman is doing but people put yourselves in her shoes. We don’t know the full story. Maybe she has no family or friends that she can depend on. Maybe its mess with the old man or live on the street we don’t really know. Some people only have themselves in the world. I should know. Some of my brothers and sisters and they are the most of them are the most selfish people in the world. I would rather clean toilets for $2 than ask them for anything.
As a woman, I have to be honest and tell you that you disgust me. Why is it you cannot take care of yourself? You should be educated, have a career and earn enough money that no man can buy you. You are a prostitute and nothing less. Do you not have family? Could you not have moved home with your parents or a sibling or moved in with some friends? I would be sleeping on my family/friends floor and working several part-time jobs to get me out of the situation. I’d rather be on my hands and knees scrubbing floors than be any man’s whore! But since you are now in this situation and you have no desire to change, why don’t you ask this sick, old, married man to pay for an education so you can get yourself to a day when you no longer have to spread your legs for money. Why don’t you try and be a self-sufficient woman and grow some self-respect? Also, do your current young, poor boyfriend a huge favor. Tell him you are involved with a sugar daddy and no longer want to see him. You have forever ruined your character and gone against your morals and values. Don’t ruin someone else’s life too by being a lying cheat.
Sad Truth – just SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!! “You should be educated, have a career and earn enough money that no man can buy you”???? Didn’t you just read that she lost her job?? How do you know she don’t have an education?? Read and freaking understand!! ppl like you make me SICK!! Give your advice and quit passing judgement!!
I stand behind my words. Every girl and boy has an opportunity to pursue their studies and get an education. They have the means to ensure they will earn the money to provide themselves a livelihood of the status they want. She may have had a job, but she lost it and then is working part-time. I suggest she use her sugar daddy to pay for a university degree and get herself a career where whe will NEVER have to sell her body for money again. There are ladies…forget that term, women, there are women all over this island selling their bodies for sex so they can have their rent paid, their hair and nails done, a new cell-phone or a top up!!! These women should not be in this predicament in the first place! They should be earning the money working an honest living. Once you have to lower your standards go against the morals you’ve been taught and spread your legs with someone for financial gain, well, you’ve sold yourself out. You reap the rewards of your actions. Being dependent upon a man to provide for you and losing your respect is turning yourself into a posession of the man; making you nothing more than chattel. This is how women were once treated, and in many parts of the world still are. This is what women have fought against. We are equals, we have the same rights as every man. Then along comes Sally and sells out and helps devalue other respectful women by selling her body for survival. Go to family for help! Go to your friends! NEVER should a woman be taking money for sex to pay a bill.
The Truth is Sad to you who don’t know what truth is.
Matthew Chapter 7
JUDGE not, that you may not be judged.
For with what judgment you judge, you shall be judged; And with what measure you mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Sounds to me like this is one of these old brain-washed, mis-educated, colonialized West Indian want-to-be seen, don’t no man want woman, with a whole lot of female problems and propably on her way out. May God help her.
Confused, it seems like this is a trend in the 21st century for women to have men fulfill their financial needs…. some have men to top up their phones, pay an electricity bill, put gas in their vehicle or pay their rent etc…. It may not be a sexual relationship in some instances, but women do have men to meet whatever need they have…
In your situation I am going to let you know out-front, you are putting a curse on yourself…Marriage is Honourable and the bed undefiled…This older man should have some kind of respect for himself… Seems like he is going through MEN-opause and just want you to fire him up a little, but have you thought about if you get married 5 years from now, if you will like your husband to be doing that to you?
Yes, times are hard, yes the money fit the benefit for which you need it for, but does it really worth your character as a woman? It appears that you will be satisfying this man sexually for money? After all he wants you to take care of him…. And I know and you know, its not washing his clothes or cooking his food, he has his wife who am sure still does that. He wants you to take care of him sexually! In return he will take care of your bills!!! Don’t sell yourself sooo cheap.. Life is too precious…You are more precious than that. If you see things are hard, go back to school and educate yourself, sell yourself high.
You have no clue if he is saying this to other young women out there…
Finally confused, the bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:9 say Fornicators shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Consider if it is worth eternity to have a lil fling, a lil pleasure and the same “tools” use for that pleasure burn up in hell fire. Come on there are more better ways to pay your bills…. And what about this other man who is so nice to you? Does it worth having guilt inside knowing what you are doing to him… You cannot serve two masters, you will love one more and cling to other…. I wish you well Confused… don’t feel bad, there a lot more in the world who is doing what you are thinking… don’t be a statistic!
Why does the Bible verses matter? That’s one book of many billions of books of knowledge in the world. Why is that book always touted as the answer to everything? Please stop the madness people.
OK Pastor! I know it is all well intended, but I think that you missed the point by a long shot.
I believe that most of you people needs to stay out of this young lady business if you can not give her something positive.
All I have to say is: Keep on shaking that money maker baby, and take good care of your Sugar Daddy, and see if Sugar Daddy will pay for your little Broke-ass to go and get a profession to make you more money; Use what you have to get what you need.
THE DEVIL IS USEIN THE MATERIAL THINGS OF THIS WORLD TO FOOL SO MANY, BUT WHAT THE BIBLE SAY, THE FOOL AN HIS RICHES SHALL PASS AWAY ,WHY GAIN THE HOLD WORLD AND LOSES UR SOUL I AM SO SADEN BY THIS YOUNG LADY ACTION, U HAV NO SELF RESPECT NO PRIDE SELFESTEEM,AND ALSO THAT GENTLEMAN I WONDER IF HE HAVE KIDS GIRLS BECAUSE WHAT U SORE IS WHAT U REAP THAT CURSE WILL FALL ON HIS KIDS,
Grace, could you please take off the caps when you are posting a message. It will be much easier on the eyes to read.
You’re right. I skipped the comment because of that. Why don’t people understand it is annoying.
The Devil have nothing to do with this.
I have three daughters and I hope like hell that they will use some common sense if they were in a situation like this. That is the reason that God made woman; To be a help mate for mankind, live the life you love and love the life that you live, because you only goes around once and that is it; You are out of here, I don’t know where you are going but you have to go some where.
I have but one request: When I die; If I have a burial; Bury me up-side-down and with my birthday suit just like I came into this world.
Just let your new guy know you’re a part-time whore he’ll understand as times are hard & your open about it, he’ll probably stay with you for awhile at least
Nothing wrong with that.
girl when that young man u is dating find out trus me he will not sick around,ITS SO HARD TO FIND A REAL HONEST WOMAN
The Bible says: Let not your left hand know what the right is doing. Why should he find out? You can’t missed what you can’t measure. All she have to do is be wise.
that the problem with these old wealthy men,always making life so deficult for the young brothers who really love, no doudt that girl u is not the only one u jus add to the list of victims in his black book
there are so many faithful men out there tryin their best to provides for the other half and prayin daily for some brake thro but as always demon take over,
boi we men are takin a beatin from these young ladys
GIRL FREN TRY JESUS NOTHING BEAT PRAYER
HE WILL SUPPLE ALL UR NEEDS NO NEED TO GIVE AWAY UR BADY , THE BIBLE SAY WEEPIN MAY ENDURE FOR A NITE BUT JOY COMES IN THE MORNIN AMEN
Schuups! So you pray away your problems? Come on. No matter your religion there is something called self responsibility. What weeping and joy coming in what morning? Stop chat shit please. That’s just a saying!
@Grace. Maybe you should pray for Hooked on Phonics and directions to the caps lock key. nobody can understand you gibberish.
@ Grammar Police: A capital letter follows a period or “full stop.”
Susan
You are the best! You make me laugh out loud, and I am still laughing.
I know of ladies that have had this outlook on life, and reaped the rewards of living at the expense of an older married man. She got tired of the old man, found someone that truly loved her and ruined that relationship as she was still focused on the money. She has since been from sugar daddy to sugar daddy to “survive” and is so unhappy. Only now she realises that the love was more important but she got herself caught in a trap of wanting the fast life, at the expense of her family now she is old she there are no sugar daddies that want her. Sadly too many women get themselves caught into this kind of lifestyle
girl mek up yo mind
go back home to your mother
I agree with the doc, but the desire for material things often overcomes the sense of self pride. There is no price for real love.
A sugar daddy will drop you when he is ready for a change of face, in the meantime you get lonlier and gradually destroy any chances you may have of a meaningful relationship.
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