Dealing with the ex who is the baby’s father
Wayne Powell - Thursday, July 8th, 2010 at 12:19 PM
When relationships end and children are involved, many women have to deal with the challenge created by an ex, who will be in their lives for good.
The problems mount if the relationship didn’t end amicably, or if one partner is still pining over the other. The woman may wish to begin another relationship but is somewhat apprehensive or even fearful if the ex is intimidating her. He may find every excuse to go to her house under the guise that he wants to visit his child, and there is also the challenge of resisting often unwanted sexual advances.
Women who find themselves in such a position should consider the following:
*State clearly your position that the intimate relationship that existed before no longer exists and that his visits to your house are solely in regards to the child.
*Don’t send him mixed messages. Be firm and consistent in your stance.
*Let him understand that you will be dating other guys.
* Avoid the temptation of calling him when you feel lonely and needy. This will certainly lead to problems you don’t want to court.
* Establish visiting times when the child is up and about. There’s no point in him visiting when the child is asleep. Having your ex sleep over is not a wise decision.
* In spite of the hurt you may have experienced, be civil to him and don’t allow your anger to prevent him from bonding with his child.
* If he is seeing someone else, be respectful to her and wish them all the best
* Some men don’t deal with rejection very well and may want to physically attack you. Don’t hesitate to involve the police if necessary.
* Insist that he carry out his fatherly responsibilities. If he refuses, then get the courts to help you.
*Surround yourself with a support group that will help you to remain on track and don’t be distracted by the ex who may want to manipulate you.
Wayne A Powell is a relationship counsellor. You may contact him at [email protected] or www.crisscounselloronline.com.
Copyright 2013 BVI News, Alliance News Limited. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or distributed.
17 Comments
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@HMM: da aint mean ntn. da fada is da fada miss
@HMM: da aint mean ntn. da fada is da fada miss
This is a fine article. It is somewhat limited though, in that it assumes that there are only female victims. While admittedly, there are a significant number of controlling males who trample on the rights of the mothers of their children, there are also a growing number of disfunctional mothers who seek to explot and even hurt caring dads. My concern though is that oftentimes in the gender clash which may ensue between the adult parting parents, the innocent child may be destroyed emotionally and psychologically. Fatherhood and motherhood are lifetime responsibilities, and there are no cheap substitutes to fill this crucial need in the life of a child. Unfortunately, more than often, when the adult male/female parties seek to move on with their lives, the emotional and psychological needs of the child are not given priority. Hence, the poor child is often unwittingly traumatised, while the adult parents play legal and other power games. So while we do, and should have the right to move on, let us be wary that we do so in a manner that will give the child an opportunity to develop into a healthy person in society. For, in the final analysis, the child’s needs are as crucial, if not more important, than those of the adults. Let us then seek to create an even, healthy playing field for the child, where he/she can receive maximum benefits from both motherhood and fatherhood.
@Who the cap fit:
U GAH KNO!!!!U SEEM TO KNO MORE THAN ME!!!!LOL
First of all I think this post is bias and unfair to man although there are some truths to it I see the ever increasing strategies of wicked fools like this person who wrote this article who him self is a man to put a woman on petastoles higher than equal rights and true justice, we man are targeted by a trap that society have created by using woman to dethrone a man from his birth right as head over his woman and family there for giving the system the role of over see’er in all relationships where a man and woman are seperated and designs a plan to keep the fathers in jail or answering and paying fee’s of child support through the courts keeping us man not men feeling less and disrespected by the police who carry out these agenders I am not saying that a woman should not have the rights to keep her self from someone she no longer wants but I am saying that there are a whole lot of good fathers out here who is victims of the evil snare’s of a unfaithful woman who them selves are victims of the many traps that is used to seperate families verses keeping families together….. woman be wise don’t work against your man man be wise don’t work against your woman deal with your problems change from all rongfull ways and most of all keep the love strong seperating for the most part only makes life hard for man woman and precious child ……………….
Guilty !!! you just one of the ” DUTTY CHILD MOTHER” Luke mentioned i can sence it !
@Luke:
TO LUKE DUTTY CHILD MOTHERS?IF U ONLY KNO THE HALF OF WHA WE GO THROUGH U WUD SHUT UP!!!!!IF U GAH BEGG A MAN TO SPEND TIME WID HIS KIDS WHA DA TELLING U?WE BOTH MOVED ON DAS KOOL WID ME.BUT WEN I GAH CALL HIM FOR HIS KIDS OH HE BZ,AND ALL KIDA LIE!!!!BOSS IF U AIN KNO HUSH!!!!I HOPE U DOES TAKE CARE OF UR OWN!!!
Boss, I applaud you for your sound advise. I have a princess by a queen and we are not together anymore. Not for lack of me trying. I respect that woman to the fullest because she made several things very clear. I must be there for my child. financially, emotionally, physically and all the llys. And that she would never bad talk me or prevent me from seeing my child because she and I have differences. I admit sometimes she gets me mad because she wouldn’t come back to me, and she says she doesn’t have any one but I think she’s lying. I just ain’t got no proof. But she is firm with her word and intentions. She don’t give mixed signals, and she makes sure that I am active in my daughter’s life. Women out there take a page from her book, be a good role model for your children. Men be there for your children.
It have some stink and dutty child mothers out there! Talk dat! This thing too one sided!
WELL I HAVE KIDS BY THIS GUY,HE PRESENTLY LIVES WITH HIS WOMAN IAM ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE AND I HAD TO PUT HIM IN COURT AWHILE BACK.I HAVE TO BEGG HIM TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS KIDS.BUT ON THE OTHER HAND MY FIANCE WANTS TO ADOPT THEM AS HIS OWN!!I HE TAKES CARE OF THEM LIKE THEIR ARE HIS OWN.THE REAL FATHER IS A DEAD BEAT!!!
Good article.
However, I think you need to write one of these articles with the point of view on how the men involved should be behave and be treated as well.
There are a lot of single fathers raising children by themselves and/or going thru hell with their child mother.
Lovely advice.
What about the other exes, those who run around and still want to be in you face. Even though they come and meet the present boyfriend. You see a man or woman never know what they have when they up and about with other scrap, but when you find somebody to treat you better than they did. BAM he or she in your face and ear all the time. Good advice though.
How about Dealing with the ex who is the baby’s MOTHER! Mines is an oposite pain in the @ss.
I had that problem with my baby daddy and i had to come to put him in his place, i am not living my life to suit him and he had to deal with it. He is very stubborn but if you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.
Excellent excellent excellent post!! I hope everyone reads this and shares it with someone. Awesome advice for young people. If young parents would follow your words there would be a dramatic decrease in all the babymama drama nonsense!! Thanks for sharing!
This should really help lots of women overcome their fears of men. Thanks for leaving your email too!!!
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