DEAR BELLA: Young woman wants to know why men cheat
- Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011 at 12:00 PM
Dear Bella,
I’m writing on behalf of my curiosity, not so much to seek advice but to peek the interest and get feedback/ views from your many readers.
I am approaching my 20′s and have never had a boyfriend or been in any sort of amicable or intimate relationship with any guy. However at present I am considering the idea of entertaining one of the many suitors who have been trying to get my attention, but my hesitance to pursue any sort of relationship with the opposite sex is because of the experiences I have had witness to, where a man would do anything in his power to get a woman and once he gets her and has her under his wings he somewhat loses appreciation for her and in most times hurt that very same woman that he promised never to hurt by cheating on her..
Bella I would love if you and your readers could shed some light for me on “why men cheat”. I write to you because this is a free and open forum where people can openly express their opinion and share their views using an unknown identity.
Those of you who have been cheated on, have cheated or have intentions to, married or single please, help me make some sense of why men cheat.
Most of the men who do cheat have good women at home or in their life, working hard and putting real effort into the relationship, women who treat them right and make them happy, the type who has things in order and keep them in check and knows how to “get it on” in the bedroom, the one they claim to love and can’t leave without and yet they still cheat.
Some of these men are good men but they end up doing such a bad thing like cheating, why?. Please help me Bella and friends (readers), to somewhat have a reason to look forward to being in a relationship be it now five or ten years from now.
Really appreciate it.
Curious One
Dear Curious One,
Why men cheat is a very difficult question to answer. I ran into an article some months back on the same issue. Points from the article is posted below. Hope this helps. I am sure readers will have their own opinions also.
According to the article, here are the top 10 reasons why men cheat:
1. Because they had the option. The old saying ‘men are only as faithful as their options’ can sometimes ring true. Men don’t get offered sex as often as women so when the opportunity does arise, it can be very difficult for them to turn it down.
2. It boosts their ego. Sometimes men don’t feel like they are attractive to the opposite sex any more and when a woman shows some interest, not only does a man react, he may allow her to stroke his ego and more. There’s nothing like the thrill of the chase to men on the hunt. When they are finally rewarded for their efforts, their egos swell even larger.
3. You grow apart. Maybe the two of you didn’t have as much in common as you thought. He’s met a woman who has more in common with him who loves football or plays golf. He may check out if he is compatible with her under the sheets also.
4. You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner. Who wants to be around someone who is constantly on them about something.
5. He’s fallen out of love. Sometimes men become so comfortable in a relationship, they don’t know how to get out. They may be staying in the relationship because of children or financial reasons. However, they feel like they are missing out on love and may seek it out elsewhere. In their mind, this is as close to win-win as they can get.
6. Your sex life sucks. If a man has a disinterested partner or isn’t getting enough sex to fulfill him, there is a good chance he will have an affair. Just because you have a husband or boyfriend, does not mean you can stop trying. It takes a little bit of effort to keep your sex life from getting boring and non-existent. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.
7. To get revenge. A man will sometimes cheat if he finds out his partner was cheating on him. How else is he supposed to heal those hurt feelings of his but through good old fashioned sex’
8. It’s new, different and exciting. Some men get tired of having steak for dinner every night and want to try a hamburger. The same goes for sex with a woman. That’s why men don’t necessarily always cheat with women who are more attractive than their partners.
9. To see if they can get away with it. If a man has the attitude of ‘what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her,’ he may cheat to see if he is sneaky and smart enough to get away with it. However, with all the advancement in surveillance spy ware, getting caught has now become easier than ever.
10. Because you have allowed it in the past. If you have forgiven a cheating man a couple of times, they are more than likely going to cheat again because they already know if they plead enough, you will forgive them.
Bella
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17 Comments
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Ya’ll so stupid if ya got that good good and wifey material qualities u should have no problem keeeping your man/woman. Reasons why man cheat are because thwey can, ya tend to become uninterested when being together so long. Why not spice up the relationship with good things like oral, role playing even if you got on a hot maid outfit all da going be good. P.S put a stripper pole in ya bedroom
.I am a girl by the way…….lol………real talk.
try your best to talk over things and keep the “fire” going…new lingerie…and whatever….i love my baby girl…she does feel the same way about me…”no breaking hearts”. I admit most dudes only look @ superficial things….btw im a dude and i love my women…but only my chica gets my love.
WHAT UTTER NONSENSE. YOU HAVE YOUR WOMAN HOME SHE DROPPING SHORT. DROPPING SHORT HOW. TELL HER WHATS UP AND STOP RUNNING AROUND LIKE SOME LIL BOY WITH U LINGY OUT A DOOR.
IF MY FIANCE CHEAT ON ME/ YOU KNOW WHAT SCRAP DA MY MAN, BECAUSE FIANCE IS A LICK AND A PROMISE. IF HE CHEAT. I’LL JUST PRETEND LIKE I DON’T KNOW CRAP. AND HOLD TIGHT ON DEM JIMMY HATS. CAUSE MY COOKING, CLEANING, SEX MORNING NOON AND NIGHT, AND I MEAN SPLIT GO ON ME HEAD LINGERIE LAPDANCE STRIPPER POLE ,TWIRK AND CLAPPING ON IT , BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER PREPARED AND SHARED, ALWAYS HAIR DONE SEXY AS A MOTHER , EASY GOING LIME WITH YOUR BOYS WHEN U WANNA BARELY ARGUING, DOING EVERYTHING MYSELF, I CAN PAY ALL MY BILLS BY MY SELF. IS MY HOUSE INTELLIGENT WOMAN LIKE ME AND YOU GONNA CHEAT ON ALL OF THIS !!COME ON! AM NOT GONNA EVEN OPEN MY MOUTH TO SAY SQUAT ME A GO SHOVE UP D WEDDING, GET AN IUD WHEN U TRYING TO MAKE KIDS AND THEN ME A GO DIVORCE AND TEK HALF A EVRYTING!!!!!!GOLD DIGGER………NAR AM NOT. BUT A DAT ME A GO DO YOU FOR CHEATING ON ME. TANYA STEVENS SAY ME A MEK SURE U BANKRUPT AND A DAT ME A GO DO…………AND MINE YOU I COMING WID ME EVIDENCE PICTURES OF YOUR INFEDELITY..SO JUDGE NAR GO HAVE NO PROBLEM GIVING ME HALF A EVERYTHING. SO FOR D MAN WHO WANNA CHEAT ON A WOMAN LIKE ME.GWARN STAR……..YOU MIGHT THINK SHE DON’T KNOW…….BUT TRUST ME SHE KNOW………DAS MY 2 CENTS LITTLE GIRL. GET A GOOD JOB YOUR OWN PLACE SUPPORT YOURSELF SO WHEN D MAN U PICK UP WANT CUT STYLE PAN YOU , YOU FART ON HIM LIKE A DUTTY DRAWS! LOL. HAHA. AND NO AM NOT JAMAICAN. BUT WORDS ARE MORE EFFECTIVE IN JAMAICAN TWANG, DONT IT? LOL
@DJ SOUNDS LIKE A WHOLE IN A BUTT,
u can do all that sexy stuff but U STILL CANT BEAT NEW COOKIE
@DJ SOUNDS LIKE AN IDIOT, Say what? You think your words are more effective in Jamaican twang? I haven’t a clue what you saying.
Most of you talk like a man is some strange and unusual species. Please! Some men cheat for a host of reasons, as DO WOMEN. Women cheat just like men do but are usually not so open about it because it is not condoned by our society. Think of the reasons you would cheat if you were not going to be called dirty names by society and your peers for it, and that’s exactly why SOME men cheat. Not all men do, some are loving and faithful. Good luck in your search for the right one. Just remember to lay down the ground rules up front and not to tolerate it if it ever happens, these days cheating can mean life or death (AIDS). A failed relationship doesn’t make you a failure.
A man will be a man… its in their nature. Its up to you as a woman to accept it or not. That’s where your morals, values & knowing what you want for yourself come into play. IF you allow a man to cheat on you, your settling. Don’t settle, you can do better. No woman regardless of what type of person they are deserves to be cheated on. Women have a softer ego than men and are easily broken. There are “good men” out there…however they don’t always just fall into your lap. God should be the centre of any relationship, if not most likely it won’t work out, and thats something most people fail to understand. Relationships are about communication, compromise and commitment. Trust & Respect goes along with those 3 C’s. Take time to know your partner before jumping into a serious relationship. Friendship is the most important foundation factor. Your spouse should not only be your lover, but also your friend, even better if they’re your best friend. IF a man has strong morals he would know better, if he has respect for his woman & their relationship he won’t cheat, if he truly loves her as he may claim, he won’t cheat no matter how tempting it may be, he won’t. Any respectable man, should and would communicate with their spouse if they’re not happy, comfortable or has lost interest. THAT IS THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIP in ANY relationship, one key factor believe it or not is Communication. IT GOES A LONG WAY! I have experience cheating men over & over. So far, this is what I’ve learned from my many experiences… hope it helped you.
Wish I was like you and left them alone until my 20s then I would have avoided a lot of things. Good luck and all the best in considering a new relationship. Keep God first.
Men cheat for a million in one reasons, but here is the basics:
Men cheat because women give them permission to do so. When you were dating, you went out of your way to get your hair and nails done, your teeth polished, you feet peticured. You made yourself attractive for your man. Once you have settled in the relationship you became complacent. You no longer present your self in an attractive way, i.e your mannerism, your looks etc. You have become predictable and monotonous. There is no longer any excitement, no expecatations. You sleep with rollers in your hair, you wear a te-shirt to bed. you have lost command of the english language and you now speak ebonics. A man needs excitement, spontaneity and his ego stroked once in a while. You have to keep romance alive always. In the bed room be creative. Bring his fantasies alive in the bedroom. Be his belly dancer, be his lover. Re-nvent your self. Give each other what you need to be a dynamc duo. In other words fulfil each other fantasies.
ASK THE WOMEN that cheat with cheating men.
BUT as for your question it’s simple
AIN’T NOT COOKIE LIKE NEW COOKIE
Pleaseeee! These reasons are to obvious…..reality of the situation is because…..WE COULD baby….Not saying i condone this of course
bcoz man’s general tendency is to get more…:)
He doesnt get fulfilled by just 1 women, he needs all types of girls
Moreover, girls also cheat….so its both way round, not only 1 way…
I love the reason “Because Women Allow it” gives, that is why men cheat, ONE OF THE REASONS, but i love how once the topic is brought up the only reasons explored are the ones that only blame men. also look in the letter, “Most of the men who do cheat have good women at home or in their life, working hard and putting real effort into the relationship, women who treat them right and make them happy……….” really? you THINK the man is happy. I have cheated, i have a girl, love her, but i cheat because she falls short, reasons 3,4,5 and 6. The women who go ‘but we were so happy’, no you were happy.
@Dj, I would then ask you as a man, in the relationship, to tell me that something is wrong. To communicate with me that you are not happy. Is it not better to work together to change things for the better? If you don’t share where the downfalls are in the relationship then the relationship is doomed. As a woman, I would prefer being told that there is a problem that needs to be worked out. I would prefer knowing that I am letting my man down so that I can improve things and ‘make my man happy’ rather than find out he is cheating on me or him just leaving me one day! If you don’t know it broke then you can’t work on fixing it! On a similar note, I’d much rather know that things aren’t working out between me and my man and break up on a friendly note than find out one day he’s cheating on me! I would never be so evil to hold onto someone I didn’t want to be with until I find another to fill his shoes, and I wouldn’t want the same to happen to me. In my opinion, if you loved me at one point, then respect me enough as a friend and a lover to amicably break things off and move on rather than surprising me with a lover on your arm!
@Because Women Allow It., AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i luv it
Girl all the best………….
Whether men cheat or not depends largely on the morals and values they have been brought up with; whether the community is accepting of it. I am appalled at the blatant, in-your-face, cheating that goes on here in the BVI. The men here all do it. It has become accepted by society. Wives close their eyes to their cheating husbands. Men have wife, girlfriend and several side things. Somehow, it has become a man’s right here to cheat. Women are too scared to speak up as they might lose their man to other women who act like they don’t care (but really do but for some reason want to be the top cat on the totem pole, thinking once they reach there things will be different and the cheating man will want only them). All this boils down to is #10 on Bella’s list. Men have been given the green light to cheat. Women have to stop thinking they are not worthy of a committed man and stop allowing this nonsense. Girls have to stop trying to catch a man with babies and creating all these baby daddies….kids need fathers not sperm donars and someone to pay for food. If women took pride in themselves and demanded respect then they would stop accepting all this cheating nonsense and the men would have to start growing up and being men in order to get some sexing.
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