I am sexually attracted to my father
Dear Dr. Cindy - Wednesday, November 28th, 2012 at 12:57 PM
Dear Dr. Cindy: Is it normal for a female to feel sexually attracted to their father?
I only met him like three years ago. I am now in my early 20s and he does not feel like a father in my eyes. I am attracted to my father. It sounds nasty but it’s not like I will yield or he is trying to make love to me.
It’s just that he doesn’t seem like my dad. He seems like any older man any girl would be attracted to. He does not look his age; tall, handsome and chocolate dark, nice, white teeth; a very cool personality too.
Sometimes I can’t help but think about him, but reality kicks in when I say “dad”.
Is this normal? Or is it because I only found out recently he is my dad. What if he is not my dad?
Help!
Confused
Dear Confused:
Thank you for writing. I can see your confusion as your feelings/emotions are not matching up with what you believe or have been taught a father-daughter relationship should be.
Your question of whether it is normal for a female to feel sexually attracted to her father does not fall under the realm of normal or abnormal as it relates to a mental disorder. I suspect you are more wondering from a moral and socially acceptable perspective. For the latter, I will not venture an answer as it leads to judgment and this is not my role a professional.
You indicated that you do not see him as a father, nor does he look like a father. This may be that there has not, from what you have presented, a sufficient connection or continuous/constant interaction with him to really establish and cultivate a father-daughter relationship. Should you want to develop a father-daughter relationship despite the present feelings of confusion, I suggest starting from scratch.
Get insight into why you are having these feelings. I suggest speaking to a professional counsellor who can help you sort through this. You may have 17 years of unanswered questions, hopes, disappointments, etc, as it relates to your father and the father-daughter relationship. This step will be the beginning of getting some resolve and/or understanding of the situation. I also suggest a counselling session(s) with your father as well. This will allow for a safe and trusting environment to communicate your thoughts and feelings and to hear each other out.
You do not seem concerned with acting on your feelings as you stated, “It’s not that I will yield or he is trying to make love to me.” Your issue seems to be the feelings/thoughts you have for him.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, the father-daughter relationship with him is still fairly new and will take time to develop.
In closing, you ask the question, “What if he is not my dad?” If there is doubt about this and knowing is a factor for you, I suggest considering a paternity test. If the answer to if he is your father or not is what you want, then, this is the most assured route of getting that question answered.
Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy
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15 Comments
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I feel your pain. I once met a young man whom i had never seen before and i was instantly attracted to him…definitely my type. Then I found out he was my cousin…I asked the good lord whyyy? so i can see why u are hoping he is not really your father. you just wish there is a possibility that he isnt. It’s time to accept reality. Think of it this way, he was screwing your MOM! Now, do you REALLY want to be with someone who was with your MOM??? I hope not.
Good Luck Dear.
A case of delayed Oedipus Complex, Dr.Cindy!
read Genesis 19: 32-36
“Holy bible” are you holy? Do you follow everything the bible says? Stop being so narrow-minded, clearly there’s more to it.
Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel. Where did the off spring of Cain and Abel come from? I guess thats where that bad word came from!
Dear Confused,
That is in fact VERY common. It’s called Genetic Sexual Attraction. It is usually found in adoption cases when the parents/children or siblings are re-united.
When we are young, we bond/play with our parents/children/siblings and therefore develop a sexual aversion to them, however, in the cases where this has not occurred, when they are re-united, this bond is confused with sexual attraction. There are many parent/child and sibling relationships because of this, some siblings have even gotten married and have children.
While society frowns on this, I want you to understand that you are not a “freak” or “nasty” as it is beyond your control, however, your decision to act on it is up to you and your father.
I think that I have given enough information for you to conduct further research. All the best!!
Very much agree. Many people do not know that this can happen. I am glad that the young lady has chosen to seek advice on this, it is recommended that people seek counselling before finding their biological parents.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fabpFyDIa54
In my ignorance I was about to giva a negative response. Thank you for this information.
Hmmm I have to shake my head after reading some of these comments. Reading is really fundamental!!!
Yuk!….FMMMMM! Incest was made illegal in many territories because it is down right nasty. YOU crazy!, find a man that is not your family.
Enlighten me, where in that article did you gather that the young lady committed incest or intends to commit incest? There is nothing that states our even suggests a sexual relationship between her and her supposed father or even an intention to do so…At times, I swear some people in being quick to judge others often end up making themselves look like total buffoons smh…
amm… I do know they allegedly did not have sexual relations with each other. I am just saying that (If they do) It will be incest. POINT BLANK. So fore warning not to if that dirty girl is reading.
yo need han…
Nasty girl in a nasty world – Who sing that sone again?
Vanity 6
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