I am staying in the relationship because of my children
- Thursday, April 14th, 2011 at 3:17 PM
My “significant other” and I met when we were 16 and it was a total whirlwind of love. He was my first experience being in love and he was the first person who had sex with me. We went back and forth being together and not, throughout the years.
When we were eighteen we got a place together and then things just went from bad to worst. We fought all the time and he began demanding weird sexual positions and role playing, including anal sex. I stoutly refused to give in to those demands and he decided to move out.
We didn’t talk for a while, and when we did finally talk again it was for him to tell me he had found someone else. We had sex one last time then and afterwards I realize I was pregnant for him. Eventually his other relationship ended due to infidelity on both of their parts.
We now have two children. However, as recently as 6 months ago, we broke up again. Now we are living together again; parenting our children together; having sex together; and sharing the same bed.
I don’t know if we’re working things out since it was previously agreed that we would do this and have an “open relationship.”
Is this the right kind of relationship to have? I am stuck and confused. I want the best for the kids, letting them know that they have both parents around. I am confused.
Please help.
Searching and confused.
Dear Searching and Confused,
Relationships are based on love, trust and commitment and I believe you will agree with me when I state that these no longer exist in your relationship and it is time to break this habit that you are clinging to. You need to find someone whom you can love, trust and be committed to and he reciprocates the same to you. You need happiness and stability for your children.
The children cannot be used as a reason to hang onto this unhealthy relationship. Your unhappiness can affect them and cause more harm than good to them. Provide for your children a secure loving environment free of the hostility and negativity of the relationship you are describing. You can both be pillars in the lives of your children, living separate lives in which you are happy and loved.
Bella
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12 Comments
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No one knows how this young woman is feeling right now. We all can say what we want but the truth is that she is the only one that knows how she is feeling right now…..
Girl, you need to begin with learning to respect yourself. You’re a mother now, and those children will follow the path in life you set as an example. You want them to learn that life is about being a doormat? You had a first love that was all the good and bad that blind young love can be. You have grown into a woman, but he is still a just selfish child. Cut the ties now! He using you! Stand up for your children and yourself, or you will live your life wondering why things didn’t ‘work out’.
Bella, you need to close these comments when there is a ‘Dear Bella’ because it is obvious that the person is seeking for help and reading some of the comments really is not helping her situation. By closing the comments, people would be able to state their opinions mentally or verbally, NOT written! Take heed.
I have a friend living in that situation ,her husbad and she has 4 kids but he has been cheating on her for yrs even have kids outside the marriage even with one of his police co worker and his woman come from their country (where he is from and the gf) every year to visit him or he goes to see her cause her parents r here but my friend who is from here say she staying because of the kids . i told her she only hurting her self
You are doing your children an injustice staying in that facade of a relationship, After a while the man will loose all respect for you. He is treating you like a fool because he knows that when ever he comes knocking you will open the door. You need to close that chapter on your life and move on. You are not setting a good example for your children living the life style you are living. Stop humiliating your self, and be the self sustaing woman god intnded for you to be.
May god give you the courage to change the things you can.
I have been thru a breakup myself with a child involved. I will share three things, mind, body and soul (i) there is more to life than a relationship with another, practice self love and find a project that you can develop you as a person (ii) take good care of your body, it is a temple and (iii) turn to the creator, whoever you deem him/her to be for the strength with your new direction.
Once you develop your children will be better off and who knows in time someone who is equally yoked will come your way.
Chin up!
Was he really demanding or just asking you to try different sex positions? Wa kind of positions was he asking for that you could bother to try? For most young men sex is important as they hit their sexual peak from 20-25. So at this age sex is important, but not everything. Something to consider…
@Listener,
Try 30-35.
Everything goes on the decline from 40, provided you wasn’t sickly to begin with.
But yeah, it aint everything…
As we can see that is mere for financial reasons. You can go back home to your parents and raise your children until you get back on your feet. Nothing wrong with starting over because true love will find you.
Sweetheart, firstly you need to move out of that apartment to leave behind all memories, good or bad with that guy, to heal and move on. Stop having sex with the guy as you’ve both agreed that the relationship is over. Guys won’t pay for milk when then can get it for free. I know it’s hard for you to move on as he’s the first guy u’ve has sex with, but get your head out of the clouds, he’s not the commitment type of guy. He’s young and foolish as you seem to be more mature. Focus on other things such as your child maybe educations or career ans a good man will come in time.
Yeah…everything wha Bella said plus my own two sense (I aint got none…sense, that is.)
Wha kinda weird sexual positions big man ask you to do so buddy? I mean Anal sex I could see you drawing the line at, provided you aint never try it and just cringe at the thought. But Roleplaying, different positions? In the short term tha coulda enhance things as far as I can see. Even if big man tie you outside and make you bleat like a goat, is something different.
But I take it you are/were a “GOD FEARING” normal woman so them thing aint appeal to you. but yeah, the back and forth with pana aint making much sense. Ayo could be “There for the kids” in two seperate residences, Genitals apart.
Open relationships with KIDS involved kinda iffy since things could blow up at any moment and leave them in temporary Jeopardy.
….But that’s just my Opinion.
(Mars)
If you have nothing good to say the n I WON’T SAY ANYTHING….*Slick laughter*
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