I discovered photos of nude men on my boyfriend’s phone
- Tuesday, September 27th, 2011 at 4:05 PM
I am in this really weird situation. One night my boyfriend was sleeping and his Blackberry kept on bleeping indicating incoming messages. He is a hard sleeper and he did not respond but since the phone kept bleeping I thought it was an emergency so I took the phone to check what was going on.
I don’t normally do that. As a matter of fact this was the first time I’ve ever done that.
When I checked the phone there was a message with an attachment. The message said, “Hey (name withheld to protect privacy), here is the thing…. you gonna like it.”
Out of curiosity I opened the attachment and I was shocked to see two photos of a nude guy in embarrassing positions. Although the person look vaguely familiar, I did not recognize him. I almost fainted and when I gathered my senses I went outside and vomited.
Now, I knew my boyfriend for all my life. He has not shown any gay tendencies. He cursed gay people all the time. He thinks homosexuality is the worst sin on earth. So what is going on?
I have not spoken to him about this because I am just petrified and suddenly I am getting turned off. I don’t know what to do. He is the only guy I have ever loved. This is driving me crazy.
Petrified
Dear Petrified,
This is a matter that needs serious attention and you need to have a good talk with your boyfriend. If you are afraid to do it by yourself, get a third party involved. Try a pastor or a counselor or a best friend of the two of you.
You cannot be sitting on this and letting it fester. It is not going to help and it will hurt you more the longer the situation stays as is.
This guy needs to be confronted on whether he is gay or not.
Bella
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34 Comments
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A Lot of you made some very valid points but just know: the BVI in a whole has a lot of MEN living double lives. It doesn’t bother me that they love men, it just bothers me that they have strong black women who standing tall by their side while their love-interests (other men) laugh at these girls. Trust me, not every Pretty Face or Sharp boy image is clean. Believe it or not.
wait wait really…so because of that one text u think he is gay. ummm i get forwarded texts all the time which i think are funny i simply laugh and pass it along. Mama either u r leaving out information or just dont have a sense of humor
Perhaps someone just sent him the “images” as a joke. Talk to him and hear his response. Messages received are not necessarily a negative “reflection” upon the recepient.
Get Real.
Simply put: Most males who savagely attack and accuse other men as being “Gay” are fighting usually “inner demons.”
Psychologically, it is called “projection.” That is: They accuse others of that which they are guilty of, in order to absolve themselves of that very “Guilt” which they possess but must deny!
Ray should know that!
Why does “Bella” and her gossip attract more comments than Dr.Igwe’s more sober analyses?
Does it reflect the more primitive mentality of certain readers?
You’re here arn’t you….
You’re here arnt you.
oh i am a woman
he is gay plain an simple,i was into women when i was a teen but i grew out of that but i still look at women.
Sweety there had to been signs but you chose to ignore …….but if he receiving text like that my girl you have to pull him up…..feeling like Lot in Sodom and Gomorrah
LONGER U LIVE THE ,MORE U LEARN TRY SOME THING ON HIM SEE IF HE GOES FOR IT ,,
You should have mind your own business and let his phone ring.Now you got more than you can handle. I don’t think he is gay, people play pranks all the time. So now that you know and have seen the photo what are you going to do about it? confront him and tell him that you snooped on him while he was asleep?
U don’t think he’s gay..u are a woman right?…no wonder u post this DUMB comment.People play pranks?.. NO STRAIGHT MAN DOES PLAY THAT KINDA PRANK. Ayo always blind. A man can be wearing ayo lip gloss, people telling u he’s gay and ayo still in denial.
HEY THIS WAS JUST ORDAINED TO HAPPEN. I FIND OUT MY MAN WAS GAY BY READING HIS TEXT,,AND GUESS WHAT IT WAS MY FIRST TIME DOING IT TOO. HUH? WOMAN’S INTUITION.GWEN ARE YOU GAY?
WELL IF YOU ARE SUSPICIOUS WITH A GUY’S ACTIVITIES THE BEST THING TO DO IS CHECK THE PHONE CAUSE NO GUY WILL TELL YOU HIS DIRT. YOU ARE SPEARING YOURSELF HEART ACHE IN THE FUTURE. CONFRONT HIM. HE HE GOT A LIE MADE UP OR EXCUSE THEN ASK HIM IF HE CAN DISCUSS THAT INFRONT OF A PREACHER. never stop checking the phone. I know of women you found of of house being built behind them back, side woman and outside children just by checking the phone and finding pictures…the worst thing is everyone around them knew except them.
Men in Tortola do the same thing but usually they still get blamed for not respecting privacy so why are you promoting women to do it??????
Now I am curious if he is that way and is keeping it from her he needs to be confronted. However I am puzzled how come no one is saying what was she doing on his phone and all that privacy crap. What maks her story about how she got into the phone more believeable than what men say when they do the same and find women cheating etc.. Usually when a man goes through a womans phone and finds some dirt and goes off you all come online and claim he is too controlling, he don’t trust the woman and who he think he is, her phone is her private thing he is not her daddy to be confronting her with what is on the phone. How come this is not the case here???
The reason is “who run the world? GIRLS” lol
Thats why I don’t shed a tear for domestic cases when men go upside you all heads in domestic deputes. Because there is a double standard. Because women do the same crap as the poster said and it is all fine but if it was a man who had gone through her phone and found she was doing it with a chick you all would have been chanting how he controlling the woman and he think he is a father and not repecting her privacy…By the way you all don’t run jack, money runs the world for example JAYZ has lots of it even though he is ugly as sin he can run and control Beyonce to get his troll baby… That is power…..
cause if he did not have it she would not give him a second look. You all think you run it but secretly we run it cause any man with it can get you to do whatever they want… 
First of, I totally endorse “Noifsandorl” because what that person say is exactly what I would have say (With muck throw in between.) and I agree with everything said there.
But to the person who ask “How she geh on he phone” as she said, it was a VOLLEY of texts wha make her think it might have been something serious.
I mean, someone phone ringing, via text or call on a CONSTANT…..AT NIGHT wouldn’t warrant a bit of fear in anybody?
I mean, I don’t go through people phone or have anyone go through mine, but I don’t think I could really get hot at anyone answering/checking my phone, if I sleep and it ringing like that.
But then again, my phone set up in a way so that NOBODY can’t check my stuff and my life setup so that anybody calling to throw wife on me or send me pictures of nude man (lol) aint going to get access. Protect your fetishes, people.
HE TAKING BUD. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
I really don’t think you need anyone else to tell you what you already know. Your boyfriend likes men. Some of the worst gaybashers are those who are gay themselves. They bash those who are out of the closet because they fear themselves. There are alot of men who are gay and are in sexual relationships with women. They are in denial.
Chances are you could marry this guy and spend many years with him and have children together but the time will come when he will not be able to deny his true self. He’ll either become cruel and nasty towards you or he’ll come out and leave you for a man. Either way, you are the victim of his denial.
I suggest you approach the topic with him lightly. Show him this letter you wrote to Bella if you must. I guarantee he’ll not come clean. If he is already acting the gay basher there is no way he’ll fess up. He’ll deny it. He’ll have some excuse. BUT, you know, as well as the rest of us, that no straight man would be receiving pictures of naked men sent to him. That’s the fact.
If you love this man, you are best to walk away now and be there for him as a friend. Gay men in denial will endure plenty of difficult times in their lives. He’ll need friends to rely on. If he loves you, he needs to let you go and stop from using you as a toy to hang on to the lie he is living. He is putting you at risk. Not only from sexually transmitted diseases if he is sexually active with other men but also he is putting your heart at risk of being broken.
Good luck.
This response was better than Bella’s…
Wow. One of the best advise I have read on this matter. You seem to understand very well the underlying psycodynamics here. I say you are right on the money. Hope she takes your advise. Her man is on the low.
By the way, I don’t buy her story that this is the first she looked at his Blackberry. She did it before imo, and probably did not trust him or suspected infidelity. Trusting people simply don’t go looking or seaching into their mates stuff. There is a saying which goes something like this: Be careful of what you go looking/digging for as you may not like what you find.
SHE SAY IT IS THE FIRST, WELL BELIEVE HER. WELL IF THIS IS HER WAY OF FINDING OUT SO BE IT. SHE FOUND OUT ANY WAY.
I think it’s different generations….this current generation of young one are groomed to accept ANY and EVERY life style as for people who are 70′s babies are older were groomed to only accept THE RIGHT WAY. Personally if you living that way then why must you be allowed to show people that and we must accept it…when a man aor woman with locks or a REAL RASTA come round and he/she smell like weed nuff peopl start bashing and scorning so its going to be like wise for fruitcups
best response i’ve read so far and yes it was better than bellas *SORRY*
What’s the big deal? I get those kind of messages ALL THE TIME! SMH! She just needs to RELAX and go with the flow.
Anyway, I better put a new password on my blackberry before my wife get any ideas..smh!!
So you obviously swinging both ways and the fact that you need to change your password means you have something to hide. YUK!
LOL I needed something to cheer me up lol….WHEN YOU A SOLID INDIVIDUAL WITH AN UNSTAINED REPUTATION AND NO SKELETON IN THE CLOSET an impersonator cannot sully your name. What is interesting is the person replying to actually try make it real lol. Could be that juiced up FASSY who works upsatirs with me but he to COWARD to do something like this because I STEPPED to this puss already and with all the biceps in the world he STILL CAN’T LOOK A G in the eyes. But it knows if i ever find out it was it then IT IS FINISHED! SO on that note i will end with this….WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU,YOU NEED MORE PEOPLES!
queer in the closet
Sick …..
Could it be some kind of junk message. I guess either way he needs to be confronted.
I get an occasional junk text mail now and then, but it’s ALWAYs about buying something. No one has ever sent me nude male pictures before. This story has all the markings of a downlow man. And the fact that he appears so vocal in his dislike about homosexuals lends lots of credence to her story. Those who protest the most are the ones whom one should suspect. Their protestation is a form of denial of their sexuality.
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