I feel like my boyfriend’s personal slave
- Friday, July 9th, 2010 at 8:15 AM
Dear Bella: I have a child with my boyfriend whom I have been with for seven years. During this time, I have been hoping that he would do the right thing and marry me, but each day it seems like this will never happen because we cuss and fight a lot.
I hoped that when I had our child the fighting would end, yet he would even cusses at me in front of our child. I know that this is not a good thing to expose a child to, and that is one of the reasons that I would like to leave the relationship. Besides that he is always flirting with women online and in person, watching porn and joining online dating sites. It is my opinion that this is obviously not a man who would like to get married. He has cheated on me at least three times in the past, even while I was pregnant and sometimes he likes to embarrass me in public by raising his voice at me if we are in a disagreement. He is a well known individual and everybody would say that he is a wonderful person, but they don’t know him; they just know the outside. He is quite a charmer to people who are not close to him.
Bella I do everything for him and feel like a personal slave and I am often called a bad mom by him and his mother (who has him like a puppet on a string… but that is an entirely different letter). In short do you think that this relationship can work or should I cut my losses and move on with my life? Hopefully I may find someone who loves me for me and would be a good father figure to my child.
I look forward to your response.
Desperate for Help
Dear Desperate for Help,
Not because you’ve been with a man for the better part of your life that means you shouldn’t leave him now if he is ‘acting a fool’. It’s obvious that you are not happy and his failure to change isn’t making things any better. You feel disrespected, used and discomforted in this relationship, while he is having his fun and you’re waiting for him to commit to that sacrament of marriage. You have suffered for too long. I do not doubt whether you want things to work because you have tolerated his nonsense for so long, and still wants him to wed you. Yet you need to get out of this relationship now.
Picture now you’re feeling this way and picture how things will be if you get married. I can bet a ring or wedding ceremony will not change this man. If your giving birth to his child did not, what else will really? Just ensure that when you are apart he supports his child financially, and allow him to spend time with the child, once he is willing to.
I should advise you too that after such a breakup like this you are vulnerable and seeking a newfound love quickly, but do not rush things. You being on the rebound can let your confused emotions detect anything as love, and you do not want that. Enjoy your single life with your child before you crash and burn again.
Bella.
Have a problem? Write to Dear Bella at [email protected] Dear Bella is published everyday. All letters are subject to editing and the editor has the right to not publish an article if it does not meet the company’s editorial standards. Also, the advice given is not necessarily expert advice, and is basically an opinion, therefore we accept no liability that result from giving any opinion. As such we encourage you to seek the advice of a professional counselor.
Copyright 2013 BVI News, Alliance News Limited. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or distributed.
8 Comments
Disclaimer: BVI News and its affiliated companies are not responsible for the content of comments posted or for anything arising out of use of the comments below or other interaction among the users. We reserve the right to screen, refuse to post, remove or edit user-generated content at any time and for any or no reason in our absolute and sole discretion without prior notice, although we have no duty to do so or to monitor any public forum. All comments posted on BVINews.com reflect the views and opinions of the commentators and not that of the management and staff. Click here for our full comment/user policy/ agreement.
Thank you all for such sound advice. You have all voiced what I know in my heart needs to be done. I will dig deep and find the courage to do so because time waits for no one and life is too short. At least for no one else my child deserves better. THANK YOU ALL!
Desperate you made a valid point, “He is a well known individual and everybody would say that he is a wonderful person, but they don’t know him; they just know the outside”. The show he puts on for the public is a cover up for who he really is. People like him would get away with murder just because people don’t really know who he is. It’s time to leave his sorry behind and start enjoying your life. Turn a new chapter in your life and live to please yourself and your child not another soul.
You don’t need a man to make you happy. Life is what you make it. Stress will take you closer to the grave.
My advise to all is: 1) birth control, 2) people never change; what you see is what you get.
My dear desperate: Life is not a rehearsal stage where you can waste your life away and then come back to fix the mess. You have already wasted seven precious years of your life; getup!, wake up! Packup! and move the hell on with your one life to live. You have already assumed the role of a wife, why would he want to marry you when he has the best of both worlds? This is not your mommy’s era, this is the twentifirst century, women are more liberal. There is a good man out there for you, but you will never meet him if you are still tied to this jerk. Get moving with living.
Don’t choose to be unhappy for the rest of your life. Don’t you deserve more? Sometimes we are so scared of being alone that we remain in toxic relationships. But is it not better to be single and happy than to be treated like this? Trust me, it is. You will learn to love yourself and recognize that a man like this is not deserving of you. Find the strength to get out of this now. Don’t waste another precious day of your life. You will find true happiness but you need to give yourself the opportunity to do so. Leave him. Allow him to be a father to your child but never waver in thinking you are above him and deserve far better than that.
Miss, you serious! Try leave that man. Maybe this is just me, but the straw that would have broke the camel back was the cheating, plus you include cussing, name calling, degredation, etc for SEVEN YEARS. Please get out of that relationship and take care of yourself and your child.
I believe that for every one woman there is one man…. and some times u have to go thru men that arent meant for u to find the right one….i kno of ppl that stay together for years, then the man marries them just because they sick of hearin about it, then they stay married for more years and its a disaster, they leave and find someone thas ideal. after all those years with Mr. Worthless so dnt think because u spent all this time with him that you obligated to take his mess……Prepare yourself to move on, cause stayin will only drive you nuts and ur child will sense that you are not happy, n even tho u two are together the child wont be happy…..Move on mama, its high time!
LEAVE HIM MA! He sounds PATHETIC IN ALL SENSE OF THE WORD! Probably a MAMA MAN LMAO!
Post a Comment