I never got over my ex
Dear Dr. Cindy - Wednesday, September 26th, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Dear Dr. Cindy: I really need some advice.
Two and a half years ago I started dating a really good friend of mine and I fell in love fast. I was heart broken when he wanted to end it.
A couple of months later I started to date this new guy to get over him and he didn’t treat me like he should have. A couple of months later I ended up pregnant and he told me we needed to get married or there was no reason for us to be together. I was young and scared, so of course I agreed.
Now we have a beautiful daughter but our marriage is not so good. He doesn’t talk to me or treat me like a husband should a wife, but he tells me he’s sorry and expects me to believe him. And he does it gain.
To top things off my ex told me how much he cried the night I got married and how big of a mistake he made in letting me go. He told me he loves me and he doesn’t care that I have a baby because it doesn’t change who I am, that he just wants to be with me again.
Honestly I never got over my ex and I don’t know what to do. Help please!
Married and Confused
Dear Married and Confused,
Yes, this can be a dilemma if you allow it to be.
You have introduced two concerns: first, your marriage and your unhappiness in the marriage because your husband doesn’t talk to you or treat you like a husband should a wife. If he were to talk to you and treat you the way a husband should a wife, would you then describe the marriage as good? Would you be happy? Would you want to stay? These are the questions you should ask yourself.
If you answered yes to all three questions, I would suggest marriage counseling to work on the marriage. If you answered no for any of the three questions, the million dollar question then is, “What now, is there a marriage?”
The second issue of your ex-boyfriend: does he seem appealing now because of the difficulties with your husband? If the issues/concerns with your husband did not exist, would you be considering your ex-boyfriend’s advances? Before you choose either way, be honest as to why you are choosing that way. Also, if you and your daughter can live with the consequences of your choice.
Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy
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10 Comments
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With the ratio of men to women in Tola per se it’s so easy to get caught up with someone else to try to get over a past love. Nothing feels quite as rewarding of staying single and working thru the pain, getting to discover what you really want and need for you, and living your life not by anyone else’s terms.
Your ex now wants you because you are unavailabe. You would be a fool to go back. Always keep in mind one cannot look ahead if you are looking behind you.Take time to find out who you are and what ou want from life. Life is too fragile to waste it. You only pass this way once so make the best out of it and please accept the responsibility for what ever action you might take on the journey.
She needs a darn lick you don’t go with someone to get over someone else. Let time heal you!
I agree with Dr. Cindy it is an indiviual choice that has to be made. She needs to search her soul, mind and heart. Only then can the answer be clear. Its no one time decision it has to be for the right reasons.
There’s nothing she can do to change what has been done but this letter is a perfect example of why it is important to love yourself and to recognize being single is not a bad idea. People should not enter into relationships with others just to get over another or because they are lonely. If you’ve been in a relationship and loved hard, you need to wait until you are over the person before you move on. You don’t need a boyfriend or a girlfriend to “help’ you mend. Learn to enjoy life as a single person with friends and families. Do things YOU love to do. Do things you always wanted to try but never found time. Once you fall in love with yourself the ex will seem less important. Besides, being the rebound is not a nice position to place anyone in.
Another lesson is that unprotected sex will make babies. So unless you are in love and wanting to spend your life with another and have children to raise with another, then take precautions. A months birth control is less than $7. All sexually active single women, especially teenage girls, should take control over their productive systems and ensure they don’t get impregnated until they and their partner both decide they are ready. Women need to carry condoms too. Never trust a horny man to care if they use protection. It’s not them that have to carry a baby for 9 months, go through childbirth and then raise a child for the rest of their life. They get away with not being around and throwing you a couple of dollars to care for the child. Fairytale endings don’t exist.
follow your heart
Remember the heart is treacherous!
That is the same reason why we men and wamen make so much mistakes, when we follow our heart.
great advice!
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