My back-biting “friends”
- Monday, June 7th, 2010 at 9:46 AM
Dear Bella: I feel like everyone has deserted me. I have no true friends, and those who I thought were my good friends only spread rumours about me and egg on people to bad talk me.
It’s people I never thought would stab me in the back who ended up doing so. They don’t know I know about them trash talking me though; however I have totally distanced myself from them. I have stopped corresponding and hangings out with them like before and more and more I see their true colours.
The thing is I have never done anything bad to these people and if I hear gossip about them I dismiss it and stand up for them, unlike how they allowed other people to tell them false things about me and never said anything to stop it.
Should I make up with them and pretend like nothing happened?
Distraught friend
Dear distraught friend,
As much as your so-called friends wronged you I think you should forgive them, but also bear in mind that forgiving does not mean that you should go back socializing with them and pretending that they are your “besties”.
Continue to keep your distance because they are no friends to you. A friend should seek to uplift you, cheer you up and be there for you in good and bad times, and not attempt to destroy your reputation. Make new friends, but do not be so quick to trust and be careful who you call your friends.
It’s not because you claim someone as a friend that you should admit all your secrets and tell them everything about your life. You will realize too that the more friends you keep, many enemies will follow as well. The tongue is a very dangerous weapon I like to say and people can manipulate anything you told them and make it into a deadly gossip.
Bella
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9 Comments
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i have some very bad minded friends that did things and said things to behind my back hurtful things when they are done they laugh and talk to me as nothing happen so be strong and those are not people to even watch or inhal there breath cause the might rub it off on you thats people now a day all the do is talk you belch to hard and they talk so no matter what people will talk ok so just enjoy life and brush those haters off smile
I totally agree with you Education & Really.
I have been in that same situation & I have been there for the young lady whom I think was my
friend through thick & thin. I never knew she was the type of person to back bite me & I was shocked at the things she said, I confronted her & she never admitted it. I put her in her damn place & still forgive her on top that(which I told her) but she is more vex than I am.
As far as I see its pure Jealousy when I looked at the situation. You don’t have to do people a damn thing for them to be like that with you. Trust me….
All we can do is pray for them.
Not so long ago I found myself in the same situation. Absolutely naive to the true identity of those who I chose to socialize with. I totally cut all those hypocrites and cockroaches out of my life. Getting rid of negative people is never a loss. Surround your self with positive things. They are only miserable because there back-doors are not clean; trust me its better to part now than live for years as I had, in total blanketed lies.
I think you are doing the wisest thing by staying away from them. Instead of confiding in them, confide in GOD. He alone is all we need. Remember who you think is your friend has a better friend than you. Yes, forgive them but never forget and dont go around them. Trust me let them talk. Their time will come. I know cause I am going through that same thing but these so called friends were never friends. They encouraged me in wrong doings and almost ended my relationship between me and my boyfriend. Stand up for you and do what you can. Ignore them if they come around you. Act like they don’t exist and you will see your life will be better.
You have not given enough background for anyone to advise you very well. You say your friends have deserted you, trash talk you behind your back and that they allow others to trash talk you. But what you don’t own up to is what you may have done or said to have caused this behavior. People don’t usually distance themselves from others unless there is a reason. Have you reflected and considered what you may have done to cause ALL your friends to behave so? In addition to an obvious action that may have upset your friends there are many more important characteristics of friendships. If you are a taker and never a giver this could negatively influence your friendships. Are you always complaining? Are you always focusing on your problems? Does the entire conversation always have to reflect on you and your problems with your family, your job, your boyfriend etc? Are you always negative? Do you bring people down and make them wish they had never talked to you that day? You need to sit back and take an honest look at yourself because people usually have a good reason for cutting someone off from their social circle.
I totally agree with “education”
This person sounds SOOO VERY FAMILIAR. You should have taken the time to assess your life before even writing this letter. “Distraught Friend”, did you ever stop and wonder WHY your friends are staying away from you? Is it because of soemthing(s) you or someone close to you do, did or does? Is it because of your mouth? Is it because you dont listen? Are you one that feels if it’s not what you want to hear then it doesn’t make sense? You say that people talk about your friends and you dismiss what is said but do you ever listen to what your “friends” say when they talk to you? Do you ever say “maybe he/she could be right? My dear, there are many many questions you need to sit, take the time to think and analyze and then ASK YOUSELF………Am i being true to myself? my family? my friends? AM I SERIOUS?????
As you get older you will realize that people are gonna do what they are gonna do. Not because you call a person your friend doesn’t mean that they reciprocate the same feelings as you. They talked about Jesus, so don’t feel so bad. You know yourself, and you can only live for yourself. If people talk about you, so what? People talking about you is one thing you cannot control, but you can control how you are and how you react to things. Its easier said than done, but toughen up your skin as this situation will only prepare you for life. Forgive them and try to let it roll off you. In a few years, you’ll look back on this and hopefully laugh. I don’t think distancing yourself from them is going to “teach them a lesson” per se. Keep in touch with them, they may become useful down the road. Their karma will come back around. Clearly they are lame and aren’t about anything but you don’t have to be. Live your life for you, keep your business to yourself (loose lips sink ships, trust me it’s true!), and trust yourself to make the right decisions for yourself, including how you respond to situations. Besides, if they can’t prove what they are saying, then it didn’t happen!
I disagreed with you. I think sometimes you do have to distance yourself from people because if you do not it may just make the situation worse.
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