My girlfriend has too many “boy” friends
- Thursday, April 7th, 2011 at 8:31 AM
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about eight years now and plans are well underway for marriage. However, I think there is one problem.
Recently I noticed that she has been accumulating lots of male friends. I don’t have any problem with that because we all need friends, but it is getting out of hand. Some, particularly one, call and text her all the time and she always take time to respond, even when we are together. It happens all the time, when we watching movies, or have dinner or when we are together (we don’t live together).
I always look forward to us being together and for us to develop our relationship, but these texts and phone calls are getting out of hand. And she always respond to them in private.
What really made me more suspicious is one day she was in the bathroom and her phone rang. I never answer her phone but this time I did and the person on the other side was very hostile and said he has never heard of me before. I am really freaking out now.
What should I do?
Very Confused
Dear Very Confused,
It is healthy for both parties to have friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship. Friends provide the balance, emotional and mental support that you may need during your relationship. There is however a need to create and maintain boundaries with your friends who are of the opposite sex.
Nothing destroys a relationship faster than suspicion. Suspicion destroys the trust which was built over years. Considering the reaction received when you answered the call, there may be reason to be worried. I should also caution you that it may have been innocent. The only way this can be clarified is if you talk to her. Have a heart to heart and sort out this issue and continue with your lives.
In as much as you need to have your own friends, it is important that you do not leave each other in the dark about your friends. This strengthens the relationship as it rids of any misconceptions and reasons for suspicion.
Bella
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26 Comments
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wow, it take a man to know his woman personalities, everybody needs somebody
emotionally, mentally!
note: according to what the issue is that she has” boyfriends” which meant by “boy” who the person she talking to, and “friends” it like talking to your pals or buddy. and the story didnt said that she cheating physically!
What is the harm with your girlfriiend having male friends as long as she is not sleeping with them and she is not disrespecting you? This is the twentifirst century. where is it written in stone that a woman should only be friends with a woman? However,
Something is gravely wrong when your girlfriend does not tell her male friends that she is in a relationship with you.
Do you have a relationship? hmmm hmm hmmm
you need to put distance between you and this woman bro, like you in senegal and she in australia, i know you got the picture. do it fast for your own sanity.
Mr. this is plain and simple. Your so call woman is handing you with whoever that person was that called. Definitely don’t listen to bella, sometimes her advise are only useful for the dumb. Be a smart man and leave that woman alone because seriously she is cheating on u unless u want 2 be a fool for the rest of your life
Hey homie your woman is playing you trust me get out while you can, I know eight years is along time but chalk this one up as a lesson learn. She’s being sneaky, if u comfort her and is very defensive about it, that’s is of clear of a sign that you willever get that she is cheating on you. I don’t know if Bella just write her opinion just because she can or do she have an actually degree in psychology but it’s clear that she’s have an affair
Bella, wah kind of advise you giving the man.
If he ask her you think she going to tell him the truth? Strups.
Very confused if you reading this… take my stupid advice… find another woman! If she giving you cause for suspicion maybe it has to do with her sneaky ways – there is a reason you feel that way. If she was open and honest you wont have to be writing Bella.
I don’t agree in Tola that opposite sex could be friends – we all want something at the end of the day. Once the opposite sex hang out and chat too much, next thing you know they fooling around. I think it is the sunshine or something.
go find yourself another woman, or you will either end up at the courthouse, hospital or out cheating on her…
@Strups Bella, You SO right! if the opposite sex very attactive and close friends lol something 90% of the time jumps off. opposite could only be friends if somebody unattracive….atleast that’s what i think *Kanye Shrug*
Pana don’t listen to bella. You getting the ace of spades straight. Them thing is clear signs that your woman hanning you. As pana say eat and wipe your mouth
For what reason has it been 8 years and only now just getting married though? (unless you were really young when you started dating)
As a woman with both male and female friends I have to say your predicament doesn’t sound too good. Contrary to what many beleive men and women can have true platonic friendships. My closest male friends are like brothers to me. That being said, I know that my boyfriend would know all of my friends too. I wouldn’t be texting or taking calls in private. My man would know exactly what is being talked about and likely be involved in the conversation also. The fact that your girl is taking private calls and the man who you spoke to was irate and had no idea who you were, well, that’s plain out wrong. I suggest giving her the benefit of the doubt and speaking to her on this. Tell her it is a matter of trust and your trust is naturaally going to dwindle in circumstances like this. Tell her you don’t mind that she has male friends but you expect her to include you in the conversations because they should be aware that you are her man etc. If she can’t bring both you and them into a symbiotic world, then take it that you are not her only male interest and do NOT put a ring on it!
When you have reached to the point where you are submitting a letter to Dear Bella, then you are in a bad place.
But on a serious note, that right there is a diss! I was calling up partner, putting him on speaker IN FRONT of her! Get it settled, don’t play no game.
@Dude, Lol I Agree
@Dude,
That sounds like sometime my boyfriend would do and yea he has done it to me already but once the girl know that they are just friends then she won’t have a problem.
play da game bro never let da game play u…. some ‘girls’ dese days give it up 4 anything. @$%^& dese days is way 2 intelligent…..
If it smell like a duck, sound like a duck, act like a duck….it sure as hell aint no Zebra!!!!
@LoL, tiz a duck!!!….damn str8
Dude, you know what time it is. If you have a funny feeling 99% of the time there is truth to it. I would advise you before you make the stupid mistake of putting a ring on it, you do some research. That is too much disrespect right there. I agree with one of the previous comments, hit it a few more times and then replace her.
Come on Bella………..the evidence is right there. Did you not hear him say that the person on the phone was hostile and stated that they had never heard of him? Bella can you think of any of your friends that don’t know who you are dating or is your significant other? Come on Bella……..the only ones that don’t know are the ones being played in the game and I would not recommend him asking her a dam thing because she will just tell him what he wants to hear. This girl is a LIAR and a Cheat. He needs to open his eyes and pay close attention because sooner than later she will tie up her own self and get caught. As the saying goes “Time longer than twine”. It is obvious that she don’t have any respect for the guy since she is always texting and taking phone calls while they are spending time together. It is also obvious that the guy cares more about her than she does of him. I suggest that you find somebody else that appreciates you and what you have to offer because she obviously DON’T.
@Light Bulb, I
I agree with you 1 hundred percent. I was married for some years and when my husband started to hide his phone and talk in parables when I was around I started to get suspicious. to make the long story short, I ask him about it and he said she is her friend. I then ask him to introduce me and make me her friend too. He flat out refuse and two days later he had the gall to come tell me his friend is pregnant. Dont be a fool man you are been played. Get out while you still have some dignity left
I am sure , she cheating on u…
I know these kind of girls…They have many bf’s and tell each every one tht the other guy is just a friend…
I would suggest u to hav sex wid her and then leave her asap..
@cricket crazy, why have sex? so he could probably catch something?
the person on the other side was very hostile and said he has never heard of me before.
lol.. my boy pick a card, any card
@g, lol…..pick a card indeed……….this man getting hand and foot! He need to hit it and quit it!
I AGREE 1000 PERCENT
My lawd when your girl don’t mention you to her male friends lol that’s a bad sign. When she don’t let her male friends know there is a time when to contact and a time not to….IT’S ALL DOWN HILL DUDE. Last but not least if you cooling with your love and she texting other man……….YOU LACKING THE ABILITY TO STIMULATE YOUR LADY MENTALLY and i hope not physically……..
@MindBender,
No comment! LOLLLLL!!
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