My husband confessed he cheated, should I take him back?
- Thursday, February 24th, 2011 at 12:23 PM
I’ve been married for a number of years and suspects my husband was cheating. I love him very much and he knows that but I don’t trust him and he always denies when I confronts him about cheating, even when I have evidence.
However a few months ago he confessed to me, for the first time in our relationship,that he had cheated with someone I know and he really decides to change his life style.
Should I forgive him and trust him again?
Confused
Dear Confused,
It is ironic that a few days ago we were discussing the topic ‘Why mean cheat’ and you are coming up with the same topic.
Now your husband has confessed to you that he cheated. This is a bold step since most men won’t even contemplate confessing. Very few men can admit when they have done wrong. They rather keep their transgressions to themselves. Confessing is a sign that he has accepted his fault and no longer is in denial.
So this opens the door to developing the trust which was lost. Forgiving him would help heal the relationship and give him the motivation to work through his goal to change.
In life everyone deserves a second chance and you should explore that possibility.
Bella
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22 Comments
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If an atheist gets married and cheats, does he feel anything after he gets caught?
man is naturally terrible. They claim they love you and still make you look like a fool out there. They look for the worst thing to pick up to embarrace you. Once a man cheated on you once, twice he is a forever cheater.
I am with one I can protest to that. They liy like a fish thats my friend and they now they are having or trying to have sexual intercourse with the other partner. Remember ladies there is a big disease called AIDS out there and I don’t think any of you will be so foulest to want to be with a man thats cheat on you and you go doctor and they told you you have AIDS. If there was a way for us to just get rid of all of the cheating and lying men I personnally will be #1 in the line to know what to do. They do not care how you feel when they do these things. I have two boys and they both belong to a kittician and a VG-Dominican man.
I don’t know how religious you are, but the god I serve is a god of second chances. Some times people stumble and fall. Give your husband a second chance, but you both need to get into counseling, in order to not make the same mistakes. I don’t know how long you have been married, but you also have to reflect on what role you played in his behavior.
If god can forgive the men who nailed him to a cross for no sins of his own, then I say you should forgive the man you love, and move on with your lives.
Oh my..my situation is. Something like this. A husband or wife not suppose to cheat..to be cheat on that’s the. Worst feelings ever,I think 80 percent of sexual feeling for him not going to be there, you will never trust him again. My husband admit to me once only because I had proof..whenever I think back it make me sad and. I. Don’t to talk to him..I ask myself everyday why he did that….well my feelings for him is never that same, sometimes I fake the sex , who feels it knows it.
You both made a vow so now you both have to stick with that vow. The man admit his fault to you. That should be between you, him and God(like Sarah said to Abraham “let God judge between me and you”). You did not make a marraige with Bella! It was you, that man and God. Marriage is sacred and when you all made that vow to each other, you asked God to seal it. What God has joined together let not man break assunder! People need to have more faith and trust in God and stop saying they love God and doing their own thing. Keep your marriage and personal life in prayers and your spouse. I am married so, I am telling you from experience. If there are people here commenting who are not married then they should just keep quiet, because you all have not made that committment yet! Let God tell you what to do, not Bella not anyone. God is a Spirit and those who worship him must do so in spirit and in truth.
To God be the glory!
Shalom!
@The Truth, No woman (or man) has to forgive and remain with a cheating spouse. God did not ask us to personally suffer a lifetime with an uncaring, unloving, cheating, lying, abusive partner. Get over yourself!
@ I dont agree. We all have to forgive if we want to see God. After all hasn’t he forgiven us much? However, we women need to be more aware of our worth. Our husbands treat us like garbage because we allow them to. He may say now that he is sorry but take it from me he is not. He will continue and if not with this woman then another one. Forgive you must but you dont have to stay with him. Pray about it before you do anything. I prayed for years and today I am devorce because my husband decided he want the other woman more than me. Remember that it is not all marriages that are the will of God. Some are of our own choosing
Hmmm Hard situation to really give advise too..but know that FORGIVENESS IS NOT FOR HIM BUT FOR YOU!!!! You will say you forgive but it will always linger in your mind when he is not with you and even when he is with you!…I say take one day at a time and if you feel there is something worth fighting for – work towards that.. dont just up and say ok i forgive you and go back like nothing happened!.. PUT GOD IN YALL LIFE- He will surely guide your path!
I suspect the only reason he told you is because it was with someone you know and who he thought would tell you, making it worse for him in the long run. You can forgive him (or try to, or pretend to) if you want but chances are he will cheat again. How about this, if he is really being honest, and trustworthy now.. ask him about those other times he cheated (the ones where you have the evidence and KNOW he cheated) and see if he fesses up. If not, he’s still a lying cheating snake. If he comes clean then this man make just be worth trying with. In the end, only you can make up your mind.
I’m guessing it is men who are saying forgive him. I suggest you not forgive him so easily. You said you have had evidence in the past of his cheating ways and that he has always denied the allegations. You say he now admits to having sex with someone you know! What is the reason for him coming forward with the confession now? What’s the next thing, the other woman is pregnant? Honestly, if you really love him and want to forgive him then let him know you will work towards that through him building your trust back and by showing his love for you and behaving like a husband and not a wild stallion. if you look inside yourself to know if this is what you want. If underneath all the pain, hurt, and anger, you sense there’s something in your relationship worth fighting for, and if you sense he feels the same then you can probably get through this and rebuild the trust.
Aint like you could probably do better………man shortage….or you planning to buy one in the store.
@SLICK ROTHSTEIN,
Seriously? this is the advise. You might as well had written nothing!
Confused, you can choose to forgive him and then you and he will have to do the necessary work to rebuild your relationship so that it can be stronger and able to withstand the temptations that will come along for both of you, not just him.
Good luck with the renewal of your love, trust and life together.
@SLICK ROTHSTEIN,
What utter bull. When are we going to realize that the problem here is women. If we learn to respect ourselves, keep pur legs closed and send the married men them home they will learn to respect us. man shortage me foot. It is just greediness and a lack of self respect on out part. And of course some of us just want a sugar daddy. Check it out and you will see that the women the men are cheating on us with are younger women. Respect and value yourself ladies (and I use this term loosely) then men will respect and value us. Send them home to their wives. They have the same thing we have.
ofcourse, you should forgive him…
every1 in this world shld get a 2nd chance…nt a 3rd one though…lol
Only if you know that it is possible for you to forgive and believe me it won’t be easy. And if you can’t then don’t.
Yes u should forgive him it seems he is finally growing up!!!!
God bless and keep praying
Good Advice.
HELLO FOR TRUE
“I, (Name),
Take you, (Name),
To be my (husband);
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Till death do us part.” (or, “As long as we both shall live.”)
You took a vow for better or for worse, yes! forgive him.
@Yes Yes Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,
If it was the other way around would he be so quick to forgive her. I took those same vows but not because of that i am going to let my husband walk all over me. The vows mean something when they are respected by both parties but when they are broken they are meaninless.
@UNHU, Listen if she lives by biblical principles then what he does if the situation was turned around it’s not her concern, because she’s doing what she knows is right, in the sight of God. I’d say forgive him, and take him back but if God wasn’t in control before let Him be now.
But that’s my opinion to take him back, for God HATES divorce, but the bible also states that infidelity is also grounds for divorce. Ask God for His guidance because for sure you’ll never go wrong following His lead.
@Should it matter?,
Forgive him and pray that he is genuine. I will not suggest you leave him but remember that he might leave you eventually. Your vows obviously dont mean the same to him as they do to you or he would not have cheated in the first place.
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