My husband is addicted to porn, should I leave him?
- Thursday, March 17th, 2011 at 12:02 PM
I have a problem and I wish you and your readers can offer some advice. I am an Adventist and a fervent church goer. I met my husband at church. He was just like me, an Adventist and a fervent church goer.
He was the kind of person I wanted to be with because he was clean, well groomed and most importantly involved in everything that has to do with church.
We got married and one day I was going through a box he has been “hiding” from me and I was totally shocked to see that it was filled with porn DVDs. I then went on the computer and in a hidden folder I found porn of every imaginable type. I am totally devastated because I never thought he would ever even think of those kinds of things. I mean he was so into church and things like that.
I spoke to a church elder and I was told I should leave him because he is doing things of the devil. So I don’t know what to do.
Please help me.
Very confused
Dear Very Confused,
Right now you feel betrayed, deceived, confused, hurt and angry. Discovering that your husband has such a secret must have baffled you. Despite that, you should not haste to make any decision in your present state of mind. I do not believe that this discovery should sound the end of your marriage but rather an opportunity to strengthen it. Engage in a heart to heart with your husband to express how you feel and allow him to help you understand why he chooses this type of entertainment, the pleasures he receives from it and why he kept it a secret. Discuss with an open mind and refrain from blaming or accusing. Listen and compromise.
This is probably a time to look closer at your sex life. Is it exciting and satisfactory? Do you make him feel like he is inadequate? Marriage should not mean the end of your sex life. As a matter of fact you have the licence to explore and fulfil each other’s fantasies. Make it spicy, indulging, exciting and fun.
Bella
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31 Comments
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Instead of seeking advice from an elder or bella who’s not a licensed counselor why not just pray to help him, he needs deliverance? As a married woman don’t know you know who to get advice from?????? As a christian if you are one your advisor and friend should be God, helllllllllllllooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
he just watch for lil tips and tricks for when yall do it…. if yall do it….. wait…. umm o_0
PLEASEEEE! I done sket out some so called christian and adventist and TRUST me when I say majority of them is doing the devils work. They want to be a RAUNCHY/KINKY from monday until sabbath or sunday then want to turn HOLIER THAN THOU lol…..Miss your husband was ALWAYS doing the devils work he just was hunting in the church…and he found you!
When you say porn of every kind I HOPE YOU DON’T MEAN CHILD PORN and BESTIALITY……cause then you with a SICK PERVERT! But if its the norm like THREESOME and ANAL and GANGBANGS then Relax and let him turn you out! Half the people who telling you to leave him isn’t going to be there when you lonely.
@Black Adam, amen,das all i gat ta say ! ! ! !
@Black Adam,
i hope she read this…black adam thats xactly what she needs to do!!
First of all the lady said she is an Adventist. All folks who are born again christians who look forward to the second coming of Jesus Christ are Adventist. She did not said she is a Seventh-day Adventist, therefore she needs to be more specific. If she is a Seventh-day Adventist, she is a hyprocrite to God, her husband and the church. I donot know where they got married because the seventh-day Adventist Church council before marriage. This lady married to the man because of his outward appearance and did not took time to know him from the inside. To all readers a marriage that started wrong will end wrong. A family that prays together stays together.
To the Elder of any denomination, remember Potiphar and Joseph, Samson and Deliah and remember Lot’s wife. Get the Pastor and his wife to assist you all along with the family life personnel. Before you all go pray and fast be honest and confidential. If they don’t want the Pastor and family life along with you that means they donot want any help.
Romans 5:12 … That man in yielding to temptation, became a sinner by choice and is subject to all results of sin including death.
IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL TO BE CURIOUS IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES!!
this has nothing to do with church.
EASY SOLUTION!! Watch it with him, then tell him that YOU can do better than those girls can!!
In fact show HIM!!
He’s obviously watching porn because he wants excitement in his sex life!! SHOW HIM THAT THE PORN CAN’T MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE YOU CAN!!
Saddle up and ride it cowgirl!! PLEASURE YOUR MAN! bet you he won’t want to watch porn again!
Lol she was shock so where did u think he learn to do all those things he does do , haha sure not in church you ppl need to be more open in you all relationship to churchy and then you all husbands coming to us
several problems with this story:
1: a fervent church goer does not in any way mean christian. so which is it. are u both church goers or are u Christians?
2: Dont u see something wrong in ur Elder telling u to leave him because he watches porn…. come on. I would ignore the elder and talk to the pastor. If both are just as ignorant then go to a real church and/or speak to a real christian councellor.
Y leave him? He is indulging in sin yes, but who isnt sinning. no one is perfect. u guys need to deal with it together. Get Help. Pray bout it. Don’t just drop him like hot bread as ur “elder” is suggesting. What kind of elder is that anyways. SMH!!!
I agree with you area code, no elder should advice you to leave a marriage with out trying councelling first. sometimes the reason a husband/wife indulges in such activities is because they are not sexually satisfied and they seek it else where. Do not get me wrong, for im not saying that this is the correct way to be satisfied, because this is a type of cheating behaviour. What I’m saying is as married people, we are still human with sexual feeling and fantasies which needs to be fullfilled. All we need to do is make our husbands/wifes happy and if this means going the extra mile in the bedroom, then do what we have to do and make it enjoyable and satisfying.
@area code,
i agree!….she needs to sit down and talk with her husband…if he says he is not satisfied then u as HIS wife should step up and ask what can you do to make things better!…u may agree to try some, do some or dont, but in the end im sure ur husband will be glad that u took the TIME to understand and just TALK with him about this….mayb he will even agree to councillin if he sees how much it hurts YOU!…as for that elder..hmp…misery loves company that’s all i can say..cause i know ANY church tries with couples before they have to result to divorce….good luck.
Your elder IS SICK!!!!! But at the same time, TOO MANY adventists are only concern about clocking in the sabbath at 6pm/sundown Friday till 6pm/sundown Saturdays….before or after that, many of them live like wolves in sheep clothing….I work with one and nothing but a married pretender….if only their other half knew what they do during working hours hmmmm……..Your husband is probably struggling with a low self esteem, maybe you too much for him and has to endulge in these to keep up, maybe he has a weakness/addiction, maybe you’re not satisfying him entirely…MAYBE HE JUST AINT SAVED he’s just a goer………..it can be so many things. confronting him was the 1st step, going to the elder was disrespect for your husband. Talk about it, hopefully and prayerfully he’ll open up.
@Pentecostal, I take offence to the first part of your statement because I can also tell two or three stories about Pentecostals who behave in the same manner. I agree with you in that we tend to emphasize the sabbath but I do not apologize for doing so because this is what makes us unique. The fact of the matter is every church and every religion has its “pretenders”. The wheat and tares will grow together until the day of the harvest. I just hope you’re not like that Pharisee who knelt and thank God because he thought he was better than the publican. Outside of that I think you made a valid point and I hope you’re not offended by my point.
The box was hidden away. Why did she go digging in the man’s personal stuff? She too darn fast with herself. She found exactly what she was looking for. Did she ever saw him watching these videos? He probably had them before they got married and decided to keep them rather than throw them out. She is just looking for a reason to justify a divorce. For heaven sakes, a lot of us have much bigger problems than buried porn videos.
would you prefer if your husband was cheating on you with a “real woman” or you are angry because you trespassed into his private space, and found what you were looking for?
How is your sex life with your husband?. You should give him the benefit of talking to him instead of exposing him until you have all the facts. Perhaps he has a problem sexually and he was getting help by looking at these pictures. Get the facts from your husband before you throw away a good marriage because of bad advice.
@gwen, Well said gwen!
i like wha bella say that ju rite
Well I’m a lady. I’m not a sex craved woman. I am not a stripper nor prostitute. I am not evil, abusive, not a liar nor a theif. I am not an envious woman nor am I a selfish woman. I am certainly not an angry woman. I am a happy, professional woman who enjoys watching porn on occassion. And no I’m not a lesbian either.
@The other side,
How can I contact you?
@not really,
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
@The other side, Do you ming being a JUMP OFF?
Why watch people, use your own imagination, stop copy people, Are You a Copy Cat?
I dont blame this women!
@, Amnd your lonely and bitter lol
I usually dont comment on these things but since you are a fellow Adventist I feel impressed to do so. I have to say I disagree with the elder on this one. After all we are encouraged by the bible to confront the person who has wronged us, then if he chooses to persist we should involve friends, members, elders, etc… So I’d say talk to him, explore options such as counselling before you right off the marriage completely.
I imagine when you married him you said words that you believed in at the time ‘in sickness and in health’….pron addiction is simply that, an addiction. He neeeds help. I can not believe your very own chruch advocates divorce. Work with him with counseling to help him get rid of this addiction. I agree with Bella.
@what,
The man probably bored with a boring woman and wants more out of his sex life, that simple
@who said the man addicted, AMEN LOL!
There is nothing wrong with watching porn….if it’s child porn, or something warped yes. But watching sexual activities can and is used as an aid to help couples maintain a healthy and happy relationship. If God had intended for sex to be a taboo and a sin (even to church goers and Adventists) then he wouldn’t have created male and female and would not have given us the means to procreate. He could have made us polinators like the plants. I suggest you stop being a prude and enjoy sex with your husband. Try watching a porn and using the ideas to get out of a stagnated marriage. If you really think sex is an act of the devil then you should have never married and joined a nunnery instead.
There is a BIG BIG thing wrong with watching porn no matter what type of porn it may be.While you maybe caught up in thinking that It may help to maintain a happier relationship,my friend you have it all wrong.This is the lie the devil tells us, that is healthy.Pornography feeds lust of the eyes and lust of the flesh, which are never satisfied. It leaves the viewer craving more and more in order to achieve the same “sexual high.” It easily enslaves people to their own cravings and opens the door to other forms of evil, like anger, abuse, violence, hatred, lying, envy, compulsiveness and selfishness. The power behind porn is revealed when the porn addict tries to stop their habit – it is virtually impossible without GOD’S help.However i do not support the elders advise.
u see only church people got this problem, cus when my gurl an athiest found my porn box she made a dvd of herself posing, strip dancing,lefted in the box with a msg wath urgent and at the of the dvd she say if i wanted more just come over to make another dvd together! so i gave my collection away, wait i wonder i think the pana was an adventist! o well!
@Watch it yourself.,
Firstly watching pornography no matter the type is wrong. If her husband had not felt this way, he would not have had them hidden. Yes there are things that can be used to spice up the marriage but it doesn’t have to be porn. When i was getting married our apostle gave us a book written by a christian about the different sex positions that really did help. I don’t recall reading that there is no problem in the marriage sexually or that you guys do it often enough, so this may be a problem. However you cannot blame yourself because he should have said something. The elder is wrong for suggesting divorce even before suggesting counselling. This could have been a problem before marriage. My suggestion to you is to seek God in prayer and also some counselling. I pray things work out for you guys.
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