My husband might not be the father
- Tuesday, July 6th, 2010 at 9:20 AM
Dear Bella: My husband and I have three beautiful children together. Two are in high school, while the the youngest is in primary school. We have a happy home, not perfect but which family is?
However, something has been on my conscience for years and now I’m wondering if I should clear my conscience and cause pain to my family or keep things to myself. I had an affair with a co-worker around the time I got pregnant with my last child. To be honest I am not sure if my co-worker or my husband is the father. My youngest child looks different from the others, they’re thinner and more light-skinned.
I’m sure my husband is probably wondering why this is so. Should I confess?
Dear Miss:
I think your husband deserves the truth. It is very wicked and deceitful to live such a lie for so long. Be prepared for a major upheaval in your marriage. You cannot continue to live a lie. Do the right thing, clear your conscience.
Bella
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29 Comments
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You should first get a DNA test before you reveal your infidelity to your husband. The conscience is a hell of a tormentor. I have had the opportunity to hear many death bed confessions.
Don’t ruin a happy home before you have evidence. I am not condoning your affair, I am aware that sometimes things happen, but why didn’t you care enough about your husband before you had the affair? Has the experience made you a better person?, has the affair enhanced your life in anyway?
@Billfargo: Hahiii! I like that one there!
Just go and find out with the sweet-man and if it is positive, then you have to tell the ultimate lie.
“When you were pregnant; The man just stare at me so much he mark my baby, and who knows, he might just believe it.”
You have a good point but the man needs to know. She need to do it with out telling the child exactly what is being done and don’t mess up the childs life right now if the child is the co-worker’s. What if the co-worker is the child’s father and wants to be part of his/her life? Then this should come later on when the child is emotionally stable.
but what if the girl child ends up marrying one of her cousin or even her brother?????????? She needs to come clean…..
@ U Know who this is… No sah that’s not me I don’t have any “Pork Child”…These women when they cheating they need to make sure that they make the man cover up….. As a matter of fact they should not be cheating on their husband at all.. giving man wrong child, man that’s just not right every man want their blood line to be carried on and if the women give the wrong boy child to their husband, that means that the man blood line will be lost right there and then. Example man name his Hodge but his son is really a Smith… In these cases more than likely the child begins to look like the rightful father once they begin to mature. So what you do in the dark it always come to light.
@Well Sah: sounds like ur conscience speaking….is pork child u call it???lmao
@Well Sah: I Know who u isssss..only U
@Hoping its the husbands: yea i with u riisa she should
I totally agree with you “True”. She should do a paternity test with the co-worker and child in secret and then if the child belongs to the co-worker, then tell her husband. It will be the best way out of this mess.
@huummmmmmmmmmmm: @huummmmmmmmmmmm: This is the best advice..
If it’s a girl child no need to tell the man anything but if it’s a boy child the man have right to know. It’s the man blood line at stake. Don’t need the child carrying on a wrong name give the child their rightful name and the right father… NO more Pork child laws send help!
@Keep the Secret with God: to Keep the secret with god..was her children’s future/Marriage on Her mind wen she was out committin ADULTERY wit her diffrnt partners,did she not say she isn’t sure if the child is her husband’s nor the co- worker’s own?thats jus plain out Dispicable…no Justice for ur comment!!!
I totally agree with you. She should do a paternity test with the co-worker and child in secret and then if the child belongs to the co-worker, then tell her husband. It will be the best thing to clear her conscience then to live a lie and carry it to her grave. It may cause disruption in the family but at least the truth will be out and your mind will be at ease. If your husband loves you he will stay with you. Yes, it will be hard on him but trust me it will be better in the long run
I have a problem with the advise that the husband is financially being burdened, and being unjustly wronged, in raising the youngest child as his own. A father is much more than the sperm donor. A father is much more than paying for clothes, school, medical bills etc. A father is the man who loves you, who smiles and supports you, who is there with you to tuck you in everynight, pour you OJ in the mornings, lift you up and carry you around on his shoulders. This man is his/her father no matter what the paternity tests say. The writer said they have a good family unit. Why destroy this child’s life by possibly taking away the true father he/she loves and replacing him with a man who is not emotionally bonded and who may not have an interest in being a true father but in this financial, non-loving form. There is some mixed-up ways of thinking about what a father and mother really are and I blame the problems of the youth with being burdened by these mistakes being made by adults who don’t understand the duties and responsibilities that come with being a parent….a good parent.
this is just another typical polk Child story…how many men out here takin care of kids that’s NOT there own..?? Countlesss!.. mandotory DNA testing would free alot of tnese scarlets Conscience
@Ray:
This is the orginal Ray here. I don’t have a clue who this imposter is. Whomever you are quit. I would never give such advise. lol
@huum:
LOL. I think Maury is quite busy. But all jokes aside, Bella is right. It unconsionable to have a man believe he is the father of a child and assume the financial burden for years knowing there is a possibility that that child may not be his. Furthermore, the child needs to know who her real daddy is. Finally, in the event God forbids, some medical emergency arises, and the father is called upon to donate blood, a kidney or whatever, and this information comes to light then, it would not be a good situation for all involved. Hopefully, you marriage is strong enough to withstand your deception.
that’s a real long time but since you already seems to be a person with some heart i give you kodos’ for wanting to clear the air. you might think about doing it this way….talk with your husband (even though it will be hard, be honest) about your feelings and remember to ask him for forgivness too…then explain the burden and hardship you carried all these years knowing you cheated on him…then express your concern for needing the dna test done and also tell him who the other guy is…this won’t be easy but you have to tell your husband first…..there’s no gaurantee in life about anything so roll the dice and let the chips fall where they may…the child also needs to know, so that he/she can trace any medical history if ever (god forbid) a need arise….see this is what happens when folks “think” they can fool around and give babies to folks that are not really theirs….pray and ask God to place the right words in your mouth and once all is said and done it will be over with…this won’t last for ever but the truth needs to be known to ALL parties….release the heavy burden, unless you choose to continue to live your life as a prsioner in your own world (mentally)……i hope not!!
was in a similar position my husband an i have a better relationship than before…..best of luck
If you are afraid to tell your husband, get the coworker tested to clear your conscience
Clear you conscience by doing a paternity test call 1-800-maury
When the husbands go out there and get other women pregnant and have children with them, most of them never come clean with their wives or admit that the children are theirs. The decision is yours whether you want to tell him or not. If it was me, I would tell him only if he asked about it. Let sleeping dog lie. By telling him might cause more damage than good especially to the children. Do not disrupt those children lives because you need to clear your conscience.
I don’t agree with Bella. You did wrong and cheated. It was many years ago. What is the sence in making your children and your husbands lives miserable by freeing your guilty conscience to make yourself feel better. God knows what you have done. Repent to Him and Him alone. Live with this secret because it is a secret that is necessary to maintain the peaceful family that you now have. Not only do you risk breaking up the family but the pain it will likely cause your youngest will probably be for life. This child will forever feel the outcast and the cause of his/her family unit destructing. Keep the peace and your secret. Perhaps when the children have left the roost and are confident, mature young adults you can relate the news and then if your husband leaves you you won’t have to risk the childrens’ childhood and happiness.
Blame it on ya great great great granddaddy. DOOOOOOONT TELL! Its pointless
Bella, why do i get from your comment that you answered the young lady so harsh! There was no kind of sympathy in your tone. I do not condone the young lady’s behaviour but I believe if you are a professional giving advise then your tone should be more sympathectic to someone’s pain they are going thru. That’s why she wrote to you.
Young lady, I don’t know who you are and I believe there a lot of women out there just like you. I think what you need to do is have a one on one with your husband. Perhaps,at that time what you did, you were going thru some rough time with your husband and you needed that emotional support and your co-worker took advantage of that situation. Perhaps, you flirted too far, i don’t know the circumstance, but I think its time for you to come clean with your husband . It is not fair for him to support a child for all these years that is not his. Also, did you consider having a DNA test? Not all sibblings look alike. There can be a generation gap. To come out and tell your husband what you think, might be the hardest thing to do, but it might save your son or daughter admiring a lady that may be his sister or cousin. I can tell you that it happened to my husband’s mother and she never told him until he was 21 years old! It was difficult and he took it really hard and hated his mother for doing that. The younger you tell your child the better it will be. Good luck and God bless you to make that decision soon.
Some people would agree that honesty is the best policy, but you have to look at the big picture here, this decision can greatly impact the lives of everyone involved. Yes you made a mistake, we all do, If I was you I would ask the lord for forgiveness and leave things as it is. Because you have to consider 1. the fact that men cannot handle the truth, 2. chances are the child may be his, anyway – you cannot look at a child and decide (most of us know this dont work 50% of the time, 3. If you really love him and you know to yourself it wont happen again and you didnt mean for it to happen, truly just move on. I’m sure the lord will forgive you. 4. The decision that you make can also affect the child that has known this man for all his life this will leave a permanent scare on this child and I am sure that this man also loves this child very much too. or 5. you can tell him and be willing to lose everything – but hopefully if he is understanding enough he will forgive you. Its not an easy choice to make but its up to you.
Women are just as adulterous as men, but many times slicker than us, thats why they rarely get caught. smooth criminals
HMMMMMM
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