My life sucks
- Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010 at 8:43 AM
Dear Bella: I am a married man for eight years with a wonderful wife. She has been nice to me in many ways but the one thing I need she cannot give it to me and it hurts.
Bella I had a child before I married with another woman and my child’s mother keeps her away from me. Since I have been married my wife is unable to give me any children.
We have tried everything possible but nothing works. My family and friends cause me to feel uncomfortable with their various questions so I choose not to go around them. Her family don’t like me and I haven’t done them anything so my life sucks.
This need causes me look at other woman but I want to keep my marriage. The sad part is that I can’t live hoping any more. What should I do?
Dear Sir: All hope is not lost. In your letter you did not say whether you sought medical advice or not. If you haven’t that is the first step. You and your wife should do fertility tests to determine what the real problem is. Once the problem is identified then a solution can be recommended.
I have known many couples in your situation who have sought medical advice and now have a family.
There is a very good facility in Barbados called the Barbados Fertility Centre. Look them up at
http://www.barbadosivf.org.
If you love your wife, let her know your true feelings about the matter and tell her you’re willing to work things out by obtaining advice. Take my advice, you won’t regret it.
Bella
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You can consider adopting as well!
DON’T GIVE UP. GOD HAS THE LAST WORD.
my brother do not give up on your wife. God is still in control, and nothing happens before its time. I have two girlfriends, one was married for fifteen years and couldn’t get pregnant, her husband had children from a previous marriage, but yet he divorced her (they are chinese). She remarried and at the age of forty two she gave birth last year to a beautiful baby boy. I have another girlfriend she and her husband have been trying for twelve years, she is now five months pregnant.
sarah was 80 when she conceived. If you truly love your wife you will overcome whatever obstacles are in your way.God is not finish with her yet. This is the age of modern technology. Anything is possible. DON’T GIVE UP.
Mr.man you are shooting blanks. And your first child aint yours didn’t you think of that, that its not your wife, the is with you.
Imagine if you the husband, the one who does not have to carry the child for 9 months feel this way.. what about your wife? She must feel worse. I can only suggest you both seek God’s advice. Because you know God is who has shut her womb, only God can open it.
Great advice….have you guys checked out the matter or you just there saying she can’t give you any. hope both of you not jumping to conclusions. Furthermore, have you sought God about the matter, I know of couples who were waiting for years now they have so much children it’s amazing…they believed God for their family and it happened…check out the clinic but don’t jump from the fat into the fire…all them chicks you looking at could be glittering but are FAKE GOLD….
help your wife to be happy and stress free, travel and go out together . Dont make her feel bad because of the situation. You also try to relax and pray it works…i also had 8 years of the sme sityation and tried relaxing , having more fun and cleaning out my body…OH WATCH YOUR SUGAR INTAKE….IT CAN THROW THE BODY CHEMICAL WORKS OFF BALANCE and cause delay in fertility i took these measures….and now if you come too close to me i breed!! I have 2 kids. Got all the teasing from family and co workers for years wheni could not get so hep your woman out.
Relieved you are not understanding what the doctor has told you. You had a miscarriage because something is wrong. The reason for the doctor telling you you cannot have any more children. If you keep getting pregnant you will always be miscarrying because something is wrong in your womb. That is from a medical standpoint but I too believe in God and if you have that faith in him he will work it out. God bless!
Thanks for the advice and website Bella, I am married with one child and the doctors told me I can get anymore children but they are not God will check out the website. how can a person who just had a misscarriage after the doctor told her she cant get anymore children have a miscarriage…thanks a milllion you made my day.
I agree that if you both want to have children you both need to get some fertility tests performed. Sometimes it could be as simple as a virus that is impeding the ability to have children and all that is required is a round of antibiotics! Another common cause of infertility is stress. There are so many cases of couples who stressed and stressed and went through many attempts to have their own children and then turn to adoption…and then once the stress of trying has disappeared, they find themselves pregnant!
Please also know, if you decide, that being an adoptive parent can be extremely rewarding and you WILL love an adopted child as your own. Being a parent is far more important than being a birth mother or father. All children deserved to be loved unconditionally and there are many children out there that need a loving family. Perhaps, that is God’s wish for you and your wife. Perhaps he can see the special love you can give to an adoptive child.
Of concern is that your baby momma keeps your child from you. This is selfish behavior on her behalf. The child deserves to know and have both parents in its life despite whatever reasons you could not continue together as a couple. You should seek legal advice and obtain a court order providing you with shared custody or visitation rights to see your child. You should not do this for yourself or consider the bother it may be to you to do so. You should consider your child and what your child is missing in a father.
I also notice in your letter a lack of expression of love towards your wife. Perhaps this has come from your view that she hurts you in what she cannot give you. Further, you state you are caused to look at other women. I know myself, as a woman, that I would not want to have a child with a man that I didn’t beleive loved me, who turned to other women, and blamed me for failing to get pregnant. I would be concerned of infidelity and the breakdown of the marriage and being left with a child to raise on my own. With that I’d take preventative measures to ensure I never got pregnant. Food for thought and suggestive you may need to seek counselling also.
Have you ever thought about adoption. I know you would want to have one of your own but if that is not working you shoud try adoption.
Great advice, Bella. I have a friend who was in the same situation and she went to Barbados for medical assistance. She and her husband now have a beautiful baby boy. Go ahead and check out this facility. Turning to another women to fulfill your desire is not the answer. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you do.
Great advice! I am not married but have a similar situation so the website will come in handy.
Adoption is another choice. Having a child does not guarantee happiness. You are living proof of that.
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