My mom is sleeping with a minister
Dear Dr. Cindy - Wednesday, October 31st, 2012 at 10:21 AM
Dear Dr. Cindy: I am in a very difficult situation whereby my mother is having an affair with a minister.
I know they have been friends for a long time however I never had an idea they took it to another level.
One day I came home from school earlier than normal and heard noise coming from a section of the apartment. It’s not a sound you would like me to describe here. It was disgusting hearing my mother.
I opened the door with my keys; the stereo set was very loud but I could hear because my mother was singing much louder than the person singing on the stereo. It may sound funny to some people but it’s not.
I went in the house, changed, and went outside until the noise subsided. About half hour later I saw the minister leaving my apartment. He was shocked to see me then have the guts to tell me he just passed by to get a nap as he had a rough day.
Yea right! A rough day with my mom! And that nap was indeed noisy.
Anyway, the point I am trying to bring across is that my mother is married and she is having an affair with this minister, this disgusting minister. What if my father had come home early and caught them?
I feel very disgusted and disappointed with my mother. I have not been talking much to her. She hasn’t said anything to me either. Both of us are probably ashamed to say anything.
My father comes home and she pretends like all is well. I really want to tell my father what’s going on because it’s not fair. But I do not want to cause chaos and cause my parents to break up.
I feel guilty knowing about this and not telling my father. Please advise me what to do.
Disgusted Daughter.
Dear Disgusted Daughter:
Thank you for reaching out. It seems as if in addition to your disgust with the situation, you are also confused about what to do.
On one hand you feel obligated to tell your father, but, on the other hand, you do not want to cause chaos or for them to break up. This is a valid concern.
First, I would say that no matter what decision you make, that is, whether to tell your father or not, ensure that you have looked at all of the possible consequences or outcomes of doing so, and that you are prepared to live with the outcome(s).
Second, you stated that you have not been talking much with your mother and that she has not said anything to you either. If the reason or one of the reasons for this is the current possible affair with a minister, I would suggest not allowing this to hamper your relationship with your mother, as these actions may be separate from you as her daughter.
My suggestion would be to talk to your mother, let her know what you saw and overheard, how you feel about it and the effect it is having on you. Share with her your concerns for your father and the marriage and wanting to disclose this information to him.
Third, get her side of the story, not that this excuses the fact of the actions, but getting an understanding of where she is coming from may help in knowing how to move forward. Remember not to blame or judge her in your communication about the matter as this may cause your mother to shut down or become defensive, leading to an unproductive discussion.
Fourth and last, be prepared for anything, that is, denial of the affair or rationalization of it.
Whatever you decide, it seems as if the end goal is to feel better about your mother, not disgusted, and to get back some normalcy in the family.
My reflective questions to you are: Will telling your father end the affair? Will telling him ease your guilt about knowing about it?
Know that the decision to end the affair lies with your mother and the minister. From my experiences working with families, I would suggest allowing your parents to work out their difficulties on their own, as that is part of the spousal subsystem. Only, if the affair is affecting the parental subsystem (inability to parent) will intervention from this subsystem, that is, yourself or a sibling be warranted.
If talking to your mother does not bring any resolve for you emotionally or mentally, I suggest speaking to an objective third party such as a counselor to be able to deal with the effects of the affair.
I wish you well.
Best Wishes,Â
Dr. Cindy
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61 Comments
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On Sunday he’s preaching about the do’s and don’ts and on Monday he’s doing the don’ts! This is just proof that not all pastors practice what they preach and that you can’t be dependent on them to teach the word and be an example. You gotta study to make yourself approved and if you want an example or role model look up!
I feeI just as disgusted as the daughter….
hmm…preaching one thing on church and doing the other in the homes of their congregation. Lord knows when he’s not working he got a woman for each day of the week. This is sick and sad. God bless tola messon cuz we corrupt
@ Elvis said why blame the minister? Well here goes! If this is a man of GOD then he is supposed to set the examample for the people who he is to bring to Almighty. (Now we can all agree it is never said he is a Minister of what). But the Truth is, this is why society is in shambles today. The woman is known to be the weaker vessel and us men know that and we take advantage of the situation. Please don’t tell me that the women are to blame, because if men would set the example and tell the women the truth instead of condoning these behaviours things would be different. Let us all remember it is “man” that Almighty gave dominion over all things and it will be man he will punish for not obeying and setting the right examples. Our daughters become lawless also when we as men are lawless within ourselves for we are the first male relationship they will ever encounter. Just keeping it real!
Shalom!
Pardon the typo was typing and then tried to continue not realizing that the word was already being spelled out..LOL!
Sounds like Her mother visited by Paster St…
Dont they refer to those in politics Ministers also?
Dear disgusted daughter,
This is a very sad unfortunate situtation you find yourself in. I would encourage you to seek professional help, and pray and ask God for strength and direction during this difficult time. Too often children are caught in the middle of their parents careless lifestlyes.
This is indeed a life changing event for you. Please do not allow your mother’s indiscretions to affect how you view relationships, there are still true christians around for you to emulate.
whatever you decide, good luck and God bless you.
you guys stop
No, but the hypocrisy is quite entertaining
Your mother nasty and should be ashamed. What kinda church is this?
Dear Daughter
Go ball out the Minister .Tell him what you heard and tell him to never come by your family again or you will tell your Daddy. Then at least for fear of being truly exposed he will leave your mother alone and you can hope your family can heal as well as relieve some your pent up and justified anger at this intrusion into your family.Be brave and save.
Why blame the minister if the mother did not agree he wont have been there.
The Minister was sharing his blessings on her. BVI calypsoian Lord strawn say even to the minister they want what lord bozzer got ma, ma, yow.
Is the person who wrote the letter , male or female ?
Who cares??? Does it matter???
The writer signed “Disgusted Daughter” what do u think?
Read over the article and you will find out.
Female
you really answer!? Smdh
you don’t read
I wonder if she saw her father doing it if she would tell her mother and be disgusted of her father. All parent need to know what kids does go through when these kinds of things happen it messes up there state of minds.
Well who knows, at the rate things go around here, depending on how long the Minister was sharing his blessings, she may as well caught her ‘father’ but not the one she thinks is her father. LMAO! Look mellee.
Well! Your Daddy isn’t your Daddy but your Daddy don’t know.
Minister got the woman talking in tongues? Singing over the music? Hmmmm, “My rod and thy staff shall comfort she!”
The funny thing is, these people always have a reason for doing whatever they do. He might explain that he was trying to remove a bad sexual spirit from his colleague and that was the only way into her soul.
lololololololo!
jejejejejejeje
what!!!pastor ram strikes again?
You don’t know if it is Pastor “Ram”.
The Article never said Minister of the Gospel or Government Minister, however, people done here calling names and making accusations……This place never ceases to amaze me!!!
@ so it go!!!! why u had to put cline in there. That was no typo.all you like to talk think all u don’t know. de first person to geh sue for slander all u gon stop.
why you had to highlight it…. tis you may get sue for slander… with out a reasonable doubt it must be proven that it was not a typo …haha
woow, minister is jus a word that anyone can call themself which is a narm here,is not everyone that call on God or who quote n quote say they is a christian is,its to live by faith beleavein in God is not goin to church that make one a child of God , his word is truth, u not only read the word but live by the word, act accordding to the word, dressin and goin to church is not all, its what u do when u behind close doors and how u treat others we hav to follow the principal of God words he already set the example for us to follow , what God said be holy for i am holy so he is NOT no minister of God them is what we call stumbling block to stop truth, minister of the devil because the devil hav ministers also ,what u did is wrong buttin it to the world first before speakin to ur mother that is were mother and daughter comunication comes in , u should have talk to ur mother because this not the first time for them , first for u ,its painful n not goin to be easy i kno but on the other hand u guys can’t be in the home and not speakin ,you guys need to sit down and let her explain why how reason for and talk it out, how u think she will feel to find out that is u take it on the street as bad as it is , i am not sayin that she is rite to do what she did that is down rite desrespectful both for u and your father, but that family as of ur mother is not everything dirty laundry that in our home we must bring to the world so have a talk with her some where , were u can scream a loud and talk a loud you blow it out get out of ur system because that will interfer with your schoolin so do that and trust God.
You need the ‘MINISTER’ of EDUCATION! Good grief, what did you type?? ##MIGRAINE##
I reading this and I had to concentrate so hard. Not a full stop in sight, grammar and spelling messed up!!
This one of the few times I agree with Grace.
Good grief Grace! Your comments are the most incoherent jumble of words i’ve ever seen!
but what kind of minister? a government minister of a minister of the gospel?
mark, myron or marlon?
This article left me pondering whether or not I should talk to these doctors about things of this nature, next thing your personal business out so everyone can form their bias opinion.
The business is already out, and is the daughter who did. so Sad but yet I don’t think that is the daughter wrote this I think is the daddy. hmmmmmmmmm
Wow
I agree with you. No daughter didn’t write this, it’s the husband, hoping it would get posted and that we would put it together. LMAO!
The Minister was sprinkling Holy Water. “OH GOD AH COMING!” Revelations 3:2:1
REMEMBER THE MINISTER WAS TOO TIRED SO THE FRIST PLACE HE GOES TO WAS SOMEONE HE KNOWS HIS SIDE THING BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS GOING TO GET THE SAME THING BEHIND THE CHURCH HE JUST COULD NOT WAIT . TOO MUCH PRESSURE.
@Bragga! you think what you doing making fun and quoting the Lord’s Word is right?! Be careful the Lord strike you down.
What makes y’all think this is BVI? Cut your judging OUT. Is this a minister of the gospel or minister of government. Both are wrong in the sight of God. Daughter, Spill the beans and clear your conscience. Bottling it up will cause you emotional and physical distress.
What? I cline believe such things are going on in our society. Ay ana not going to believe that. NO WAY. not our ministers!!!
After all our ministers belive in marriage… till death do us part! I challenge anyone to name a minister who has been married more than one. OK…. I take that back….more than TWICE
Hilarious!!!! which minister has been married twice? HMMM what a new life! and gots the name of the third wife hidden! Priceless!!!!!!! LMFAO
LMFAO @A SO IT GO AND @HMMM…VERY NAUGHTY U 2 LMFAOOOOO
Oh Hull no you didnt
!!!
To “A So It Go” You are being very naughty today. OMG! OMG! OMG!
Some of you all would not stop until you get sued.
Sued for what? Nobody name was called. Who the cap fit wear it. Simple!
LMAO! “I see what you did there!” CLEVER!!!!
Oh gosh what a mess this man is!
A fornicating minister? Oh no no. He must have been administering some type of religious rite.
If you don’t have sense to pick up on what is being said here LOL, you all people wicked in this place!!!
Dear Disgusted Daughter.
This is apparently normal behaviour in the BVI so don’t worry, everybody else is doing it too.
I could bet I know which Minister this is ….lol.
Not to worry sweetie, what happens in the dark will come to light.
This sound like the wife……oh lord bowlie buss now!
Hmmm cheese n bread lol
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