BVI News

Should you tell your girlfriend or wife about your past? Are you a convicted criminal, sexual offender, former womanizer, thief, con artist, or a plain out dip shite?

Perhaps you’re totally changed and you want to move on with your life but deep inside your gut there is this burning desire to be open and honest about who you were so that she is not taken by surprise if she Google’s your name, do a research at the library or hear from one of your “victims”.

It is a very difficult situation, especially if you’ve met someone who you truly want to spend the rest of your life with, or at least would like to settle down and start a family with. When you’ve met someone you love a lot, you feel obligated to be honest or be transparent. However, at times you fear that your history will mess up your future with this person.

Will the person trust you after? Will they use it against you in a future argument or after break up?

Yes, they will.

Based on experience, most couples will keep their secrets in tact until something goes terribly wrong. Break-ups are many times not cool, and even if it was done amicably, either party may feel it is now ok to talk about who you were with their new companion or just with anyone.

To most couples, their significant other secret/s are only to be kept during the good times of a relationship.

But we all know it is almost impossible to trust anyone. Things always look rosy in the beginning. I recalled a long time ago I met a girl. We fell in love and it seemed like the perfect combination. None of us knew that several years later we would become like cat versus dog due to one mishap. But we relished the relationship at the time. We openly shared secrets – secrets that not even our parents knew. We were very honest about our outside friendships.

During the relationship, I lost my job and was left out of work for several weeks. She offered me some money to help. I was hesitant to take it because I don’t normally borrow or take stuff from females.

However, she insisted, even telling me I won’t have to pay it back. Well, I succumbed to her persuasion thinking “why not? She is my woman right?” (So I thought).

Well, we broke up, not because of cheating or anything bad. We ended up moving to different countries so we lost frequent contact and grew apart in love. Both of us eventually moved on.

I was surprised that one day I had an argument with a girl who I understood was an acquaintance of hers. During the argument the girl cursed me by saying I love to take women money and don’t pay it back, and that my ex should have reported me to police. I was so shocked. Where the hell did she get that info, I wondered.  I asked the girl what it is she was talking about, and she disclosed that my ex “borrowed” me money when I had no job and I never paid it back.

Of course, I confronted my ex about what the girl said. She denied it (you know women already, love to lie). She however admitted that she told the girl “something to that effect” but “how could I tell the girl you borrowed when I gave it to you?”

I gave my ex the benefit of the doubt that the girl was exaggerating but I told her that she giving me money was between both of us, and she should not have spilled the beans.

Since then I have been very cautious about taking things from women. Truth is it was only on that one occasion I took money from a female because she insisted; other times I always gave her things because I believed you should take care of your woman so she does not go out there asking other men for things.

I have learned that 1. Women tell their girlfriends most of their secrets and most of their relationship problems 2. Women never keep anything secret; they talk a lot and they always have a girlfriend they tell all their secrets to 3. Women like to take things or borrow but do not like to give back 4. Women do not like to give money or lend things to men. 5. If they do, they love to talk and they will hassle the man for the money whereas they would curse the man if he simply asks for money he lend her (even if its two months after the scheduled pay back).

My point is nothing stays secret, especially after a relationship has ended. And to tell your secret to your significant other is a big risk. Sometimes it turns out good, but most times not good.

There are times we have bad history that we want to forget, but that history won’t forget us. However, if the person you’re with loves you unconditionally, they will overlook your past and love you for who you are – once you have proven that you’ve changed.

See ya next week.

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