Obsessed with threesomes, help!
Dear Dr. Cindy - Wednesday, October 17th, 2012 at 9:09 AM
Dear Dr. Cindy: I am 28, single and never been married. I need your help.
I do enjoy sex with one person for as long as I remember. Once, I did a threesome with a friend of mine. I have been hooked ever since. It has been an obsession.
This friend of mine is a female. I have started to develop feelings for her. She told me she does not feel the same but we continue to have a sexual relationship.
What I love about her is her openness in bed to try new things. I have dated many girls and you can barely talk to them about sex more so about threesome.
I do not think I will be happy in a relationship sexually with one person. I know I can commit to that person but that person would need to be interested in threesomes and other kinky stuff. That is why I stayed single cause the country is lacking freaky, open-minded people.
However, I fear that I may stay single for the rest of my life and I do not want this to be.
I just wish my friend had felt the same way. She says she is bi and she does not think I would want a bi girl. She is soo wrong. I just cannot convince her that I am true.
I cannot convince anyone. What should I do?
Confused
Dear Obsessed with a Threesome:
It seems as if your first encounter with a threesome was freaky and sexually uninhibited for the three of you. This as you stated have led to you being hooked and obsessed with a threesome.
It sounds to me that what you are really looking for is openness and freakiness in bed, someone who is willing to try new things. You stated that what you love about your female friend is “her openness in bed to try new things.” It seems as if your admitted fear of being alone and being okay with having a relationship with a bi-girl has you pondering more so now on these things. Do you think if you were to convince her of your sexuality, she would consider the relationship? How would you convince her?
My suggestion would be to ask yourself, what am I really looking for? Is it openness/freakiness in bed or the assurance of a threesome most of the time? Is it that you like the threesome or the openness and freakiness?
Food for thought: A threesome does not constitute or guarantee openness or freakiness. I will even go a step further and say, the first time of anything cannot be fully replicated or reproduced exactly, for it has past.
The best we can do is to remember the feeling and try to live in the present. Trying to find/have the first feeling will always leave you searching for an unattainable goal.
Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy
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21 Comments
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Get on fetlife.com
Mad girls that like threesomes.
my friend ya aint lie @ all it does lack freakyness with some woman….
is the writer a male or female?
I get the impression it’s a male writer.
Sex is an important factor of a relationship and once you find something that turns you you may become close minded to anything else. To be honest I’m not sure what your asking help for. It seems your single. You are interested in a bi-woman because you want to have sex with her and her girlfriend(s). You don’t want a relationship with one woman because you are obsessed with the threesome and only want freaky sex. What is it you want? Do you want a girlfriend or is it only sex you are seeking? Is your excuse for not having a girlfriend due to you THINK the girl may not be interested in a sexually open relationship. I’m telling you, there are a lot of bisexual females on island. You might think they’re straight but many aren’t. Your friend is telling you she’s just not into you. You don’t go beyond a sexual relationship. This is probably due to you repeatedly letting her know that all you are interested in her for is her sex. She’s game for that but in her mind she would never be comfortable moving into a comitted relationship. Most people bi or not want a trusting relationship. Sex is important but at the end of the day they want someone they can trust in to come home to at the end of the day. They want the whole package; friend., companion, lover.
In my opinion your outlook on what you want is somewhat childish. Mature people date and get to know the other person. Most people will touch on the subject of sex even before they sleep together. There is no harm in telling the lady your sexual preference is threesomes and finding out if she’s interested. But I’m telling you if somewhere down the line you can’t enjoy amazing sex with the person you love, then there’s something wrong. Always remember too that keeping your sex life interesting is key to a long lasting relationship. It never hurts to try new things or to introduce candles, scents, oils, toys. Live out fantasies and fulfilling your fetishes will always be intense because it is new and exciting. But so can having romantic,soulful sex with someone you are deeply in love with. In summary, just be open with your girlfriends. If she’s not interested then find someone who is sexually compatible with you. There are lots of ladies to choose from. But remember it can’t be all about pleasing you. She deserves to enjoy sex too. So when the lady tells you she wants a threesome with another man, don’t go running.
90% of tola girl dem boring So i know how he feel. when u find a good thing like that it could give u that life long high
90% of Tola women boring?! Where are you living, under a rock?! I am a heterosexual male and from the BVI and trust me when I tell you it have some Tola women (church girls and others) that are off the chainz! Got me singing hallelujah! Seems some men here settle for a few of the other nationalities that drain your pockets.
The 6 of them u know don’t outnumber the 60 that refuse to do anything new or freaky.
All of them that go club to stand up and watch the 6 girls have fun, then walk out with them other stuck up boring friends talking about how them 6 girls nasty. Strups.. I give up on tola women dem.
Off island is where it’s at
It is what it is, yuh gotta coax them into the freaky stuff.
@passport
Truuuuuuu!!! sad, but tru
Thank you “passport” ur so right, i am a trinidadian and i kno what level of the scale im on, even out of the 60 there are 40 wanting to break out and explore but they so afraid to be judged by the others that they remain stuck up and act “brand new” to the 6 that enjoyin themselves. smh jus sad…
this a tola woman pretending to be a man! i a man would never call myself a heterosexual male when we can just say i a man!
Come again boss, but it ga some good tails on tola! i have one!
2 passport u cannot judge a book by its cover or go off of 1 or 2 experience with a woman there r alot of freaky nasty gurls out here hence i am one of them i also have a few girlfriends that are into 3somes and they r not lesbians nor r they boring we belive in experimenting and trying new things so u shouldnt judge all gurls further more most guys that go out to have these experience dont know how to tell the woman that they have at home how they want to be pleased! yet they go out looking 4 pleasure so passport shut ur beak
It just sounds like regular rejection. It sounds like she is making excuses instead of keeping it 100 with the guy. He just has to take the L and move on. I’m sure there are more open-minded women, as long as he can be honest with how he gets down and what he wants he will have more success. I never thought I’d see the day when I would be in open relationship, but it works for my partner and I. We swing together and separately and I have to say it comes down to honesty that makes it work. I hope it all works out!
The job of a psychologist is not to answer your questions but to guide you to answer your own questions. If that was the case you know how many individuals would blame these people for their actions… “My psychologist/ Psychiatrist said to do so and so” She’s right to do it the way she is doing it….
obviously she was never involved in a 3some before so thats why she can’t give the answer that you wants to hear
She is not a sex therapist, and what he doe not realise is a threesome is great but is he thinking about the STD’s or HIV and other things that can happen after. He needs to check the kinkiness for healthiness.
sodom and gomarah
vatican city has more sodomy than sodom
I think the feelings he have for this girl have more to do with the actual sex than his fear of being alone… When a man meets a girl who is open sexually it can be a very very exciting, the man cant even go a minute without thinking about her, this is proof of just how important sex is in a relationship.
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