What if the baby is not mine?
Dear Dr. Cindy - Wednesday, November 21st, 2012 at 12:37 PM
Dear Dr. Cindy:My girlfriend and I broke up recently over my insistence that she does a DNA test to find out if the child we are parenting belongs to me.
I made this known long before the child was born and she claimed she had no problem because she knows the child is mine. But she is now singing a different tune now that the baby is here. She said it makes no sense being with a man who doesn’t trust her and that I am trying to shame her, making her seem like a slut.
I told her she has cheated on me before, and though we overlooked that because I was also guilty, I want to do it.
Dr. Cindy should I continue taking care of this child when I am not sure it belongs to me?
DDJ
Dear DDJ:
Sorry to hear that given the conflict of the child’s paternity, you and your girlfriend broke up.
Your insistence to have a DNA test conducted is not unusual, if you believe you have just cause to request one. The previous infidelity on the part of your girlfriend seemed to cause you to doubt the paternity of the child. Â Additionally, trust was broken because of this as well.
From what you have presented, your concern seems to be the paternity of the child and taking care of a child that may not be your biological child. Unfortunately, both parties may not agree to a DNA test, hence one finds themself in the situation of asking what to do.
The answer to your question of whether or not you should take care of a child that may not belong to you remains with you. I suspect there may be other factors involved that you have not presented here. How do you feel about the child, have you created a bond with the child?
These may be some of the questions you may want to ask yourself, when deciding what to do. If, however, you are adamant that you will not  and do not want to take care of a child who does not belong to you, despite any other factors, I suggest seeking legal counsel for how you may address the issue; as the paternity seems to be what you want to know.
Best Wishes,
Dr. Cindy
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16 Comments
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Bad English Dr. Cindy in Paragraph three of your Response:
You wrote: “…hence one finds themself in a situation of asking what to do.”
You ought to have written: “…hence one finds himself in a situation of asking what to do.”
Good advice nonetheless was given.
He and de gyul mus be done know she give him bun.
Some women know them out there hitting here and hitting there and then give their other (boyfriend/husband) the child and denying all the time that they did that but down the road the child gets sick to find out the child ain’t his is like a kick in the face. Take the test whether u was faithful or not it would be a burden lifted off ur shoulders cause if its his he would be glad and if its not he would be mad but he will get over it
I don’t believe you need to the biological sperm donor to be a father nor the egg donor to be the mother. A parent is the one who loves and raises a child, tucks them in, reads to them, teaches them right from wrong, helps with schoolwork, pushes the swing, puts the bandaid on booboos and is there every day as a role model for the child. That said, you desire to know if the child IS yours and you deserve to have your questions answered. Your girlfriend is behaving like a child herself. She has actually made the situation worse by refusing to do the test and using the trust card. She has cast doubt or increased the doubt that existed previously. You need to go to her first and explain the reason why it is important for you to know without a doubt if the child is yours. Whether you and her would remain toigether if or if not is not the important thing here. She should respect your need. If she can’t be woman enough to agree then you need to find out what needs to be done to get DNA testing of a minor done in your area. If you are on the birth certificate as the father then chances are you can take the child in without the mother’s consent. Just keep in mind that if you have been a part of this child’s life for a while now and have grown to love it, even if you are not the blood father you can still be a father if you choose to do so.
She look like she ain’t sure. If it bin me I would be like okay lets take a DNA test then slap it in he face when it come back a Match.
Mamas baby Papas maybe Call da Maury show “You are NOT da father.;)
Dr. Cindy
You’re not getting the full picture.
Insist on the DNA. If she doesn’t comply, then simple, don’t support the pork-child.
U should take the DNA test, but in the mean while, support the child until it can be proven……doing the test and it confirms the child is yours, you may regret you didnt do the right thing by being there as a father.
you must be want my boi go crazy when he the put his all in to the child and aint his you know what that could put he threw my boi tell she if she aint doing the test you aint support let take it to the court
In this situation there isn’t a woman walking God’s green earth that wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to say HA I TOLD YOU SO in their man face
If she was so sure she would have taken the test, then she would have something holding over his head forever.
He couldn’t tell her nothing nothing again ever after that
But she know she was probably still screwing around behind his back.
Unfortunately, the child could be his and she could still be screwing around.
If you have doubt that the child is yours you can petition the court to have the test done.
Dawg, take a sample from the child and get it tested. If your instincts is warning you, you better listen.
Great advice Pimp!
His blood sample along with the child’s blood sample–even without the Mother’s–should resolve the matter!
And she does not have to be told in advance of the plan.
I really hate to hear women with this nonsense about trust and that they are not agreeing to DNA testing.
All it means that she knows there is a possibility that it might not be his and she doesn’t want to deal with the humiliation!
Man – its your child. Once you are with the woman its yours
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